The reading passage contends that the Industrial Revolution in Britain has clear benefits for several reasons. On the other hand, the lecturer brings up several points that contradict this argument.
First, the speaker argues that working condition in factory was bad for workers like women and children. This is because 인과관계로 연결하기에는 어색한 것 같아요. Although factory workers had a huge number of mandatory tasks works with long hours in factory, they rarely earned lots of money. In other words, factory managers had exploited workers during this period. This casts doubt on the reading passage’s claim that the many factories offered a good jobs with high-paying for their employees. '산업혁명'이 가져온 이점과 그에 대한 반박을 정리하는 문제이므로 '산업혁명이 이러이러했다'하는 식으로 키워드를 넣어주는 편이 좋습니다.
Second, according to the lecturer, another condition in mining was horrible and dangerous to workers. This is due to the fact that fierce pollution from burning coals in mining tended to lead to serious disease like respiratory problems. This counters the reading passage’s argument that improvement improves in mining promoted workers' worker’s health since producing enough coals helped mining workers to free from distress of cold. 채굴 환경에 대한 주장과 반박이 잘 연결되어 있습니다. 단순히 또다른 환경이 나빴다는 주장뿐 아니라 다른 위험이 남아 있었으니까 산업혁명이 제대로 benefit을 준 게 아니다, 하는 식으로 입장을 연결해주는 것이 좋습니다.
The final point made by the lecturer is that agriculture with family farmers barely to competed compete with large producers. This is attributed to the fact that urban life was not easy as much as rural life did, so that family farmers had to conduct more laborious jobs. This refutes the reading passage’s assertion that moving to the city on innovation helped family farmers to escape burdensome works. 도시로 이동해서 family farmer들이 힘들지 않았다는 설명에 대한 반박으로 '대량생산자들과 거의 경쟁하지 않았다'는 반박이 연결되는 점이 어색하게 느껴집니다. 지문을 다시 점검해보시고 어떤 요소로 대립하고 있는지가 잘 드러나도록 정리해주세요.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair (17–23)
각 지문의 주장을 정리할 때 main topic과의 연관성을 제대로 살려주지 않으면 글 전체의 unity가 떨어지게 됩니다. 지문의 핵심적인 대립구도를 잘 정리할 수 있는 연습을 계속 하셔서 잘 요약된 정리글이 될 수 있도록 다듬어주세요. 답안과 비교하셔서 어떤 부분에서 노트테이킹이 빠졌는지, 잘못 이해된 부분은 없는지 한 번 더 체크하시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^파이팅!