*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
As far as the Greek burning mirror is concerned, the lecturer takes a stand that opposed the thesis of the reading and presents three counterarguments. Specifically, the lecturer does not sympathize with the reading’s view and argues that the mirror was effective for Greek to defend and threaten the Roman navy.
Firstly, the lecturer points out that several small pieces of the mirror could directly ignite enemy’s ships. Therefore, the ancient Greeks did not need exquisitely-shaped parabolic for the fire. This directly contradicts the statement in the reading that they needed a mirror based on high-tech and an elaborate shape of curvature. 정교한 모양의 거울이 필요했다, 필요가 없었다는 점 자체는 main topic과 관련이 없습니다. 서론에서 소개한 main topic이 맞다면
Secondly, the lecturer goes on to say that by using a patch on the mirror, it was much easier to set a fire, compared to just woods. These kinds of woods took about 10 minutes to make a fire, while the patch only took a few seconds. As a consequence, even the patch served as a useful function to fire moving ships. This information tarnishes the impact of the reading that the mirror has to be spent a long time on firing. Thus, it was not quite pragmatic. 서론에서는 reading이 burning mirror가 유용하다고 주장한 것으로 되어 있는데, 현재 문단에서는 입장이 다릅니다. 다시 점검해보시고 알맞게 수정해주세요.
Last but not least, the lecturer concludes by saying that flaming arrows did not exert more powerful damage over the Roman ship. This was attributed to the reason that the burning mirror made Roman navy startled. Because the fire was gradually and unconsciously was made by the burning mirror, Roman navy could not defend immediately. This challenges the reading that the mirror was not developed weapon compared to flaming arrows they had used. 서론에서 내용을 잘못 정리하신 것 같아요. reading쪽에서 mirror가 유용하지 않았다 / lecture에서 유용했다는 입장을 가진 것으로 보입니다. 글 전체 unity와 coherence가 맞아떨어지도록 다듬어주세요.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited (1–16)
글 전체가 일관성을 가지고 연결되도록 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요. 내가 정리한 detail들을 설명으로 풀어낼 때 main topic과의 연관성을 제대로 살려주지 않으면 글 전체의 unity가 떨어지게 됩니다. 표현상의 실수로 어긋난 부분이나 대립구도가 명확하지 않은 부분들 수정해주시기 바랍니다. 내용상 잘못 이해된 부분은 없는지 실제 답안과도 대조하면서 검토해주세요^^ 수고 많으셨습니다. 화이팅!