Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Grades(marks) encourage students to learn. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Some people say that grades encourage students to study. Others claim that grades discourage students from studying by giving them stress. As far as I am concerned, marks help students study more actively and effectively. The argument of my view goes as follows.
In the first place, students can figure out the degree of their achievement from getting grades. Normally teachers give them grades after observing their achievements in variety various ways such as quizzes, final examinations and essays. So, students can realize if they studied well or not from those grades. 학생들이 자신의 레벨을 확인하는 것과 공부하도록 encourage되는 것 사이엔 직접적인 관련이 없습니다. encourage to learn된다는 점까지 연결해서 설명해주세요. For example, when I was a college student, from getting grades at the end of each semester I could know whether I had studied well or not. And, when I got an A or A+, I kept the way of studying. In comparison, when I got a C or D, I rechecked the way of studying and tried to study more effectively. As a result, I was able to get better grades next semester. 적절한 내용의 사례입니다. 설명 과정에서도 더 배울 수 있게끔 encourage된다는 연결고리를 보완하면 좋은 body가 될 수 있겠습니다.
In the second place, marks make students study harder by increasing their confidence and giving them stress at the same time. When they get good grades, they can be proud of themselves and be confident from the results. 이 부분에서도 연결고리가 필요합니다. 결과를 통해 자신감을 얻고->계속 공부할 동기를 부여받는다, 하는 식으로요. In comparison, when they get bad grades, they would feel stress. However, such stress normally makes them focus on their study more. 스트레스가 어떻게 공부에 집중하게 해주는지를 설명하지 못하면 설득력이 떨어집니다. 스트레스라는 표현보다 뒤쳐지기 싫다는 압박감이 또 하나의 motivator로 작용해서 공부하게 된다, 하는 식으로 표현을 다듬어보는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. For instance, when I was in my sophomore year, I got D- in my labor law class. I was shocked and disappointed. Next semester, I took labor law class again and this time, I studied very hard under a lot of stress because I worried of getting bad grades again. In the end, I got an A. I think that stress from terrible mark made me work hard.
To summarize, grades help students study effectively by letting them know if their way of studying is suitable or not. Also, marks raise their confident and give them stress at the same time as a key motivator to study, so, as a result students could improve their study.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair (17–23)
전반적인 흐름이나 idea들은 모두 적절합니다. 논제에 대한 답변으로 이어질 수 있는 연결고리들을 더 보완해서 coherence를 충분히 보여준다면 훨씬 더 좋은 점수도 가능하실 거예요^^ 수고 많으셨습니다. 화이팅!