Do you agree with the statement? parents are the best teachers
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Some people don't think parents can be the best teachers. However, in my opinion, parents can have good impacts on children like teachers for two reasons: they can provide them with practical assistance and life lessons.
First of all, children can get useful assistance from their parents. This is because parents are more mature and tend to have a comprehensive understanding of life. Also, they have their own know-how in their job or lives which can guide their children in positive ways. 적절한 idea와 설명입니다. <좋은 선생님은 아이들의 성장과정에서 큰 도움을 줄 수 있어야 하는데, 부모가 이 역할을 잘 하니까 좋은 선생님이다>하는 식으로 논제와의 연관성을 직접적으로 보여주면 논지를 강화하는 데 도움이 됩니다. For example, when I started working at a motor company, I had problem adapting to the company. Since I was lack of experiences and skills, I was clumsy at getting to get my given job done quickly and perfectly. I was about to quit this job and try to find another one. After much thought, however, I decided to talk to my father who had has worked at a motor company for 20 years. After listening my problem, he gave me several important skills such as how to safely manage machinery in the lab, and how to make effective presentation. Thanks to his advice advices, (advice는 불가산명사) I could adapt to my work place easily. In this regard, parents can be the best guidance. 부모님이 비슷한 업계에 있었기 때문에 도움을 받았던 사례로 보입니다. 설명내용에서 아이들을 잘 이해하기 때문에 더 유용한 조언을 해줄 수 있다는 부분처럼, 사례 내용에서도 내 성격을 잘 알고 나에게 잘 맞는 advice를 해주셔서 내가 올바른 길로 나아갈 수 있었다는 식의 사례가 되면 더 일관성을 높일 수 있습니다.
On top of that, parents can also give valuable life lessons. To be specific, they have already experienced challenges in their own lives, and overcome them in a good direction. Therefore, they can help their children to resolve problems in their life. 이 문단에서도 부모가 이런 일을 해줄 수 있다는 것이 최고의 선생님이라는 반증임을 직접적으로 언급해주면 좋을 것 같아요. 단순히 부모님은 이렇게 해준다는 설명에서 끝난다는 느낌이 들 수 있으니까요. For instance, after my sister failed a test for several times, she was extremely depressed and disappointed. She didn't want to try to study again, and was about to look for another job. After watching her for a while, my parents encouraged her to stick with her goal, telling the story of how they overcame their challenges. Because of their life lessons, she decided to study hard again, and rise to her hardship. Finally, she passed the exam last year. My sister's case implies that parents can play an important role in teaching children.
To sum up, parents can guide their children through practical help and life lessons. In this regard, parents are the best guidance.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–26)
크게 어긋나는 부분 없이 논제에 잘 맞는 답변입니다. best teachers와의 연결고리를 더 보완해준다면 좋을 것 같아요. 몇 가지 문법 오류 외에는 크게 걸리는 부분 없이 매끄럽게 연결됩니다. 한 가지 모델에세이로 모든 주제에 적용하려고 하기보다는 좀 더 레퍼토리를 가지고 실전에 대비할 수 있도록 연습해주세요^^수고 많으셨습니다. 화이팅!