*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
The reading passage contends that a huge number of colonists died in Jamestown by starvation for several reasons. On the other hand. the lecturer brings up several points that contradict this argument.
First, the speaker argues that Jamestown people made their living from agriculture. were lived by agriculture lifestyle. This is because The manner of lifestyle of in Jamestown people was were proven by many artifacts, such as farming tools or weapons. This means that they were lived in farming community. by selecting the method of agriculture. This casts doubt on the reading passage’s claim that many colonists colonist died owing to lack of preparation for agriculture. 대립구도가 어색하게 느껴집니다. [농업을 준비하지 못해서 많이 죽었다 vs. 농업으로 생계를 유지했다]로 정리되는데, 내용이 매끄럽게 이어지지 못하지요. 설명 내용 역시 계속해서 농사를 지었다는 내용만 반복하고 있기 때문에 이해하기 어렵습니다. 지문 내용을 다시 점검해보시고 적절한 detail로 다시 정리해주세요.
Second, according to the lecturer, behavior of looking for valuable minerals was had not only a resonable ground which create died made people in Jamestown die. This is due to the fact that To be specific, Jone Smith who was a governor in Jamestown declared people who did not work had no adequate qualification to eat. This implies that the policy in Jamestown was very practical and this shows that merely searching expensive minerals like gold was unrealistic statement. This counters the reading passage’s argument that people who lived in Jamestown were too busy to discover priceless minerals. 현재 reading내용은 사람들이 광물자원을 캐기에는 너무 바빴다(그래서 광물자원을 캐지 못했다)는 내용으로 해석됩니다. 단순히 광물자원을 캤고 캐지 않았고를 구분하는 것이 아니라 colonists들이 기근으로 죽었는지에 대한 여부를 따지는 지문이므로 광물자원에만 초점을 두면 핀트가 어긋납니다. 어떤 ground에서 각자의 입장을 설명하는지 다시 체크해보시면 좋을 것 같아요.
The final point made by the lecturer is that it is not true that the settlers in Jamestown had maintained worse relationship with natives was not true. This is attributed to the fact that tree rings was proven prove the truth of atmosphere in Jamestown that there was related to occur no severe drought. In other words, this drought was normal so that harvesting corn was not difficult for them. This refutes the reading passage’s assertion that new people in Jamestown was so aggressive that they could not build a good relationship with natives, so that they did not any assistance how to raise corns. 불필요한 요소가 너무 많습니다. 관계가 나빴던 것과 drought가 무슨 관련이 있는지, 어떤 것이 주된 내용인지를 체크해보시고 main topic과의 연관성을 보여줄 수 있게끔 정리해주세요.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited (1–16)
글 전체의 topic과 각 지문의 입장이 명확하지 않습니다. 우선 어떤 문제에 대해 논하고 있는지를 다시 점검해보시고, 각 지문의 입장을 확실히 파악해주세요. 그 뒤에 각 본론에서 어떤 ground로 자신의 입장을 주장하고 있는지를 정리해주시면 됩니다. 무조건 템플릿에 detail들을 넣는 것이 아니라 각각의 입장을 뒷받침하는 요소들을 정리한다는 생각으로 맥락을 만들어주세요. 불필요한 내용을 많이 넣으면 문법구조도 깨지기 쉽습니다. 내용 파악과 매끄러운 연결에 초점을 두고 연습해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!