Some people argue that it is necessary for university students to take basic science courses. However, as far as I am concerned, I strongly believe that taking basic science courses is wasting a waste of student’s valuable time. This means that it is not only helpful at routine life after they graduate but also taking this class will have negative effect on student’s school lives. (문장구조가 어색해서 의미전달이 정확히 되지 않습니다. This means를 쓰기 보다는 This is because를 쓰는 것이 더 좋고 it이 지칭하는 것이 명확하지 않습니다. 그리고 not only~ but also~ 구문을 쓸 때에는 병치를 시켜야 합니다. Not only helpful을 썼기 때문에 but also 형용사가 와야 문법적으로 맞습니다.) Therefore, I maintain that taking basic science courses will not be is not useful to students.
To begin with, taking totally unrelated (무엇과 관련없는 것인지 명확하지 않습니다.) class is not utilized useful to student’s daily life after they graduate. When it comes to important part of school life to students, students think they should make more efforts on their major subjects. They also consider endeavoring major subjects is better for their later lives. Also, there are little only few people who think science is essential for their routine. If people sometimes need scientific science knowledge, they can find it through various media like books or searching the Internet. In this case, people totally do would not regret having no knowledge about science. Thus, it is better for students to focus on their own major subjects regardless of science courses. (major에 집중해야 한다고 쓰기 보다는 science course에 시간과 노력을 뺏겨서는 안된다고 쓰는 것이 좀 더 topic에 focused된 내용입니다.)
l 졸업 후의 삶에 science 지식이 필요없기 때문인지, 학교를 다니면서 science 시간에 시간을 뺏기는 것이 효율성없는 일이어서인지 정확한 주장이 없습니다. 한 문단에 한가지 이유를 정해서 그 이유를 주장하고 support 하는 것이 중요합니다.
Furthermore, taking science classes can have negative effects on students’ school lives. It means Students should have basic concepts to attend science class, but because most students do not have interest in science and do not have any concept, it is likely that students have serious seriously complain to the science class and even their university. For instance, since they dislike the class, the number of students’ absent will gradually increase and these students also do will not hand in their assignments during semester. The universities have responsibility to increase students’ satisfaction to satisfying of school lives. However, forcing to attend science courses will be the way that spoils students’ satisfaction as well as the quality of the universities.
l School life에 관한 이야기 이기 때문에 대학교의 질에 대해서는 언급하지 않아도 될 것 같습니다. 내용적인 부분에서도 과학수업을 들으면서 학교에서의 삶의질이 저하된다는 점을 더 언급하면 좋을 것 같아요.
To sum up, I firmly believe that it will affect students’ overall school lives badly to take basic science classes which are not related to their own major subjects. This is because it is not only to be unhelpful for students’ present and after-graduate lives but also to be bad for students’ satisfaction about the university. | |
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Limited – Fair (13-20)
전반적인 내용의 논리성이 부족한 것 같습니다. 토픽에 대한 정확한 이해가 필요합니다. 학교에서 과학수업을 듣는 게 안좋은 이유를 2가지로 잘 나누었지만 그에 대한 논리적인 support가 조금 부족해요. 이 부분에 신경써서 수정 하면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그리고 문법적인 부분도 오류가 많습니다. 반복되는 구문도 많아서 조금 더 다양성있는 단어사용이나 문장구조사용이 필요할 것 같아요.
수고하셨습니다.