Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Some people think that children need to learn a foreign language as soon as they enter the school. However, in my opinion, students have many other important things to learn from school other than languages. It means they should focus on their mother tongue to read materials well and it is not late to learn a foreign language after years.
To begin with, children who start to school first should equip with native language fluently. 모국어부터 제대로 익혀야 한다는 진술은 "학교에 입학하자마자 외국어 공부를 시작하는 것"에 반대하는 직접적인 이유가 되지 못합니다. 외국어공부가 모국어를 익히는 데 방해가 된다거나, 모국어로 다른 학습을 하는 데 혼란을 줄 수 있다거나 하는 식으로 직접적인 반대 이유를 제시해주는 것이 좋습니다. This is because school subjects such as history, science, and even music are written in their mother tongue. 마찬가지로 대부분의 과목이 모국어로 이루어진다는 설명만으로는 부족합니다. 직접적인 반대 이유를 정리하고 설명 과정에서도 연결고리를 보완해주세요. For example, when my cousin entered enter the elementary school, he had difficulty time to studying academic subjects. A school where he attended have attend required require all students to learn foreign language as quickly as possible. But my cousin was were poor at speaking in native languages, so he was not able to learn both science and foreign languages for a year. 외국어를 잘 하지 못해서 과학도 잘 못했다는 연결은 아귀가 맞지 않습니다. 구체적으로 내용을 풀어서 학교 수업에 오히려 혼란이 가중되었다는 점이 드러나게끔 제시해주세요. In other words, it is very inefficient to study a non-native language when kids start school.
On top of that, it is much more easier for children to learn a foreign language after years. By attending school many years, they can pile up diverse knowledge knowledges. With accumulated knowledge, them, people can obtain a second language more easily. lightly. 지식이 축적되는 것과 언어를 습득하는 것 자체는 아무런 관련이 없습니다. 연결고리를 보완해주세요. 예를 들어 '몇 년 간의 학습을 통해 학습요령을 갖추면 언어습득도 더 쉬워진다.'하는 식으로 적절한 표현으로 수정하거나, 다양한 지식을 갖추는 것이 왜 언어습득에 도움을 주는지 설명하면 반박의 요소가 줄어듭니다. A survey conducted by Ministry of Korea Education, students who study a second language several years after years entering school are ranked higher communication abilities than those who learn a foreign language as soon as they enter the school. The cause of this phenomenon phenomena is attributed to built knowledges knowledge that they have studied during previous school years. attending. It means, the more knowledgable students are in subjects, the better they acquire a foreign language.
To sum up, school should teach a second language slowly to children. Students not only can be confused when they learn multiple languages but they can also acquire a foreign language more easily after years. In this regard, I utterly disagree with the opinion that students have to study a foreign languages as soon as they start school.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited - Fair (13–18)
아이들이 혼란스러울 수 있다거나 좀 더 있다가 배우는 것이 더 효과적이라는 주장 자체는 적절하지만, 설명 과정에서 논리가 부족한 부분이 크게 감점요인이 될 수 있습니다. 설명을 구체화하고 연결고리를 잘 갖춘 논증이 되도록 보완해주세요. 문법오류나 오탈자도 많은 편이니 수일치, 태, 품사활용 등의 문법오류에 유의해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!