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Nowadays, a large number of people argue that it is more important not to disappoint when you fail, and challenge again. Does it really make people happy and passionate again? On contrary to popular belief, I think the one of the most significant elements to live a happy life is success, because high income comes from succuessful position makes people happy and success makes people healthy. >>두 가치를 비교하여 왜 더 중요한지 말하는 것이 필요합니다. 단순히 성공이 중요하다는 주장 말구요..
Having a lot of money by success makes people to live happier life. This is due to the fact that high payment tends to represent the one’s power in society by showing the abiltiy to attain whatever they want ranging from magnificent house to even trust in relationship. This is especially true given the fact that modern sociey runs on materialism. Last week, for example, I read a column in the newspaper, and it was about recent people’s happiness index. There was a huge difference between two groups of people. People in Group A received high payment so have their own house and those in Group B rent their house. The level of happiness index of group A was much higher that the level of Group B. Furthermore, people in Group B had to constantly worry about paying rent in order to mauntain their roof over their head. Thus, this column shows that success plays an significant role in living satisfying life.
In addition to living happier life, success enables people to live healthier life. This is attributed to the fact that continuous failure makes people get a lot of stress. Stress is one of the main factors of diseases by weakning the immune system. This means that remaining happy or optimistic while keep failing is difficult. For example, when I was in the university, there was an experiment on mice and the result was surprising. There were two mice in the cage and I gave a cheese once to a mouse and the other mouse kept had a regular electric shock. The life span of the other mouse was abruptly reduced and the mouse which ate cheese could live for a long time even though I gave a cheese only one time. This shows that the success, which can makes people abundant, happy, full allows people to live longer without frustration. In contrast, people who experience failure, might be stress out.
In conclusion, as I have illustrated above, success is a key motivator to people to live a happy and healthy life because of high income and life without frustration. People should find a creative way to succeed and put in more effort to accomplish their goals.
어법과, 문법 모두 틀린곳이 없는 것 같습니다만.. 좀 오프토픽입니다. 성공이 중요하긴하지만.. 행복하게 남고 긍정적인 상태를 유지하는 것보다 왜 중요한지를 적는게 토픽의 의도이거든요..
오프토픽이라도 다른 요소가 좋으니까 어느정도 점수는 나오겠지만.. 정확한 대답은 아닌 것 같네요. |