Would it be better to have chilldren to have traditional education system, or better to provide home schooling program by parents themselves.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
The lecturer contends that home schooling is much better way to educate children for many reasons. The lecturer mainly argues that home schooling can give extra understandings about basic subjects, teach way to socialize, and make students be more challenging. This contradicts the reading passage's claim that children are better to stay in institutional education setting.
To begin with, according to the speaker, children who educated in their at home have higher understanding about common subjects. 각 주장이 누구의 주장인지를 명시해주세요. Surprisingly, most of home schooled children are likely to be successful to grasp basic concepts of learning. This evidenced by some studies that clearly shows that home schooled children scored more than 30% than regular children who educated in school. This refutes the reading passage's viewpoint that traditional young students are better at catching crutial subjects.
On top of that, the lecturer insists that home schooling program can build children's social skills. as highly socializing man. Home educated children are tend to involve in things more activly and have an awesome communication skill. One single social study revealed that home-schooled children they can naturally learn how to socialize with others and even achieve achieved higher social development in the future than ordinary childrens. and they naturally learn how to socialize. This point counters the reading passage's argument that home schooled children are poorerly socialize with others than those who get traditional education ones. 아이들의 socialization과 관련해 대립되는 point가 명확하게 드러나는 부분이 좋습니다. detail들도 적절하게 잘 잡아내신 것 같아요. 문장을 다듬어서 내용 전달력이 높아지도록 해주세요.
Lastly, the lecturer points out that home-schooled children they are just perfectly challenging than as children who were educated at school. Since the children who educated at home are directly and mostly learning from adults, they show shows higher respect to others and have more responsibility. When they face some challenges, they react to them that in very matured way. This rebuts the reading passage's explanation that home schooling program will only shelter childrens without giving them a chance to challenge themselves. 도전의식과 관련해 대립되는 내용이 잘 정리되어 있습니다. 다만 다른 사람들을 존중하고 책임감을 배운다는 설명이 '도전정신'과 어떤 관련이 있는지 살짝 헷갈리는 부분이 있는데, 지문과 한번 더 확인하셔서 적절한 흐름을 점검해보시면 좋을 것 같아요.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair (17–23)
각 body의 대립되는 point들이 잘 드러나 있고 lecturer의 주장을 설명하는 부분의 detail들도 적절합니다. 문법오류가 많아 내용 전달력이 떨어지는 부분, 출처를 밝히지 않은 부분들을 중점적으로 improve해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 통합형 답안은 reading passage와 lecture에서 서로 반박하고 있는 기준을 찾아 그 반박 근거를 일목요연하게 정리하는 것이 목적이므로 노트테이킹한 내용을 적절하게 배치하고 대립되는 부분이 잘 보이도록 글을 구성하는 것이 중요합니다. 답안과 비교하셔서 어떤 부분에서 노트테이킹이 빠졌는지, 잘못 이해된 부분은 없는지 한 번 더 체크하시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. 화이팅!