통합형
In this set of materials, both the lecturer and writer deal with pharmaceutical company's advertisement. Regarding this issue, the lecturer contradicts the writer(;)'s claims one by one.
To begin with, according to the lecturer, the writer's first idea cannot be validated. The lecturer(writer와 혼동될 수 있기 때문에 누구인지 명확히 해주시면 더 좋아요~) He points out that doctors cannot understand the medicines perfectly by just reading de(xx)xxscriptions or reading (아닌가요?) writing advertisements. Therefore, it is perilous for doctors to use using unfamiliar medicines. This point refutes the writer(;)'s argument that drug advertisements are efficient for doctor's work.
In addition, the speaker says that pharmaceutical companies only underscore the about benefits of drugs and make it hard to appreciate the flip sides of these this benefits. This counters the reading passage's viewpoint that advertisements provide information of medicine' effects to the for public.
Lastly, the lecturer goes on to say that without supervisor, it is dangerous for people to take drugs based only on de(xx)xxscriptions. This casts doubt on the writer's idea that people can prevent their health problems by with the their knowledge acquired from advertisements.
Essay 0-30 score scale
Fair (15~18)
총평:
1. 길이가 짧은 편인 것 같아요. 단순히 길이가 길어서 좋은 것은 아니지만, 길이가 길다면 그만큼 중요한 내용들이 들어가 있는 것이기 때문에 길이를 좀 더 늘려주시면 좋겠어요. 각 본문 문단마다 리스닝에서 나온 디테일한 내용들을 1~2문장 정도 더 추가하여 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다.
2. 에세이 구성은 좋아요! 이대로 써주시고 디테일한 부분들을 수정하시면 될 것 같아요.
3. 문법 오류 체크해드린 부분 확인해주시길 바랍니다. 또한, 단순히 스펠링 오류인지 반복적인 오류인지 잘 모르겠는 부분들이 있었는데, 좀 더 꼼꼼하게 검토해주시면 좋을 것 같아요.
수고 많으셨습니다 :)