Honesty is not always the best policy in relationships.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
As society develops, many issues arise regarding our lives and raise heated debate. One such issue that arouses our interest is whether honesty is the essential factor in relationships or not. 논제가 묻는 "Honesty is not always the best policy"라는 구문은 정직이 가장 중요한가 / 아닌가]로 파악하기보다 [인간관계에서는 항상 솔직한 것이 좋다 / 선의의 거짓말도 때로는 필요하다] 정도의 입장으로 나뉜다고 파악하시는 것이 적절합니다. People from different walks of life may many take different stances on this contentious issue. Personally, I agree with the given statement and there are two other factors that could validate my position.
First, humorous character is also an important thing in relationship with others. Mostly spending time indoors working with computers or playing video games, people have no idea of how to properly interact with others in various social situations. As a result, they become more and more self-centered and indifferent to others without realizing that their lives become bleak and miserable. In this respect, having humorous personality and sharing fun and pleasure with friends, they can enhance their relationships. body1한문단으로합쳐주세요 Let me use my own experience as an example. Before going to high school, I was a lonely girl who did not have many friends to play with. Then, on the first day of school, I met Eugene. He was full of fun and had a brilliant sense of humor, which was why he was popular with his class mates. We became friends instantly. We had a lot of fun while talking about hilarious things, such as our love and hobby. As a result, our friendship grew stronger and I became much more sociable and outgoing. It clearly shows that humorous characteristic is important. 인간관계에서 정직함이 가장 중요하다는 설명과는 다소 뉘앙스가 다릅니다. '인간관계에서는 항상 정직해야 한다'라는 논제는'인간관계에서는 항상 정직해야 한다'는 입장으로 동의하거나 '항상 정직한 것만이 최선은 아니다'라는 반대입장이 제기되는 것이 적절합니다. 현재 답안은 정직만이 인간관계에서 최고의 요소가 아니라 다른 중요한 것들도 많다는 점을 설명하고 있으므로 논제가 원하는 답변과는 거리가 있지요. 논제가 묻는 내용을 다시 점검해보시고 idea를 재구성해주세요.
In addition, caring personality is also crucial factor in relationship with others. People who have caring personality often give their friends useful advice and encouragement. As competition gets fiercer for places in prestigious schools, students feel ever more pressured not to fall behind. Therefore, it is not uncommon these days to hear of students who are exhausted by heavy workloads and feel disappointed at poor grades. In this case, people, especially those who are on good terms with friends, can encourage them to overcome such difficulties and achieve success. 마찬가지로 '정직'이 아니라 '인간관계'에만 초점이 가 있기 때문에 논제가 원하는 답변이 될 수 없는 내용입니다. 논제가 묻는 내용은 인간관계에서 중요한 요소가 무엇인가가 아니라 항상 상대방에게 정직한 것이 인간관계를 원만하게 이끌어주는지에 대한 내용에 가깝습니다.body2한문단으로합쳐주세요 Let me use my own experience as an example. After my first year of high school, I started losing my grip on math and my confidence to succeed in the subject. Then, it was my friend Sora who lent me a helping hand. With a gentle personality, she told me how she solved faced the same problem she faced and solved it successfully. I was deeply touched by her kindness and gained courage from her advice. As a result, my grades greatly improved in the next semester. Without her encouragement and advice, I could not have overcome the difficulty successfully. It indicates that giving advice and encouragement is essential in relationship. 친구의 도움으로 내가 문제를 잘 해결했다는 내용일 뿐 '인간관계'를 잘 이끌어주는 요소에 대한 내용이 될 수 없습니다.
All in all, because of the reasons mentioned above, I firmly believe that honesty is not the only important part in relationship.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited - Fair (14–17)
논제가 묻는 내용을 명확하게 파악해주세요. 분량과 구성이 잘 갖춰져 있더라도 논제가 묻는 내용에 대해 답변하지 못하면 대부분의 논리 항목에서 감점요인이 생길 수밖에 없습니다. 논제 내용을 다시 점검해보시고 적절하게 답변을 revise해보셔도 좋겠습니다. 코멘트와 함께 검토해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!