It is better to spend time with one or two close friends than with a large number of friends.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
When it comes to making friends, some people argue that it is ideal for people to make only a few friends for their entire lives. However, I definitely believe that it is not realistic to make one or two friends in life. 친구를 한두명만 사귀는 것이 비현실적이라 생각하는 것과 여러 명을 사귀는 것이 더 좋다고 생각하는 것은 다른 의미가 될 것 같아요. 나의 입장은 여러 명을 사귀는 것이 '더 좋다'이므로 정확하게 의미전달이 가능하도록 수정해주세요. This is not only because a substantial number of various friends add the diversity to people’s lives, but also because this broadens people’s perspectives and thoughts.
First of all, people have to make a lot of friends since this will give them a great opportunity to put the diversity in their lives. This is due to the fact that making a large number of friends means that there are various friends who are different from with people me and thus, people are able to experience and feel the whole world newly ever before. 삶의 다양성 측면에서 많은 친구를 사귀는 것이 좋다는 idea가 명확하고 설명 내용 역시 적절합니다. 다양하고 새로운 경험들이 삶의 질을 높여준다는 점을 간단하게 언급해서 주장을 appeal해도 좋을 것 같아요. To illustrate this point, when I was a university student majoring in electrical engineering, I joined a famous sports club in the college since I had wanted to meet numerous individuals and learn many sports activities. By making a considerable number of people from seniors to freshmen in that club and learning diverse sports skills from each member, I was absolutely able to get the entirely new experiences such as skiing, skating, swimming and tennis that I had not had the chance to do during my high school. Likewise, people can expand their coverage of lives by having many friends rather than a small number of ones.
Secondly, it is a great idea to make a lot of friends because this helps people to widen their understanding of others’ perspectives. This is evident when one ponders that when making numerous friends, people are better able to share their thoughts and opinions freely and naturally. Thus, this makes them more tolerant of other people and improve their understanding of others’ the new points of view. 적절한 idea와 설명입니다. For instance, I was really surprised by the views of theology, philosophy major students in my club in college because our stances on truth was obviously formed from the very different angles. That is, I used scientifically verifiable evidence to know but other friends relied upon faith to believe. Through our discussions, we had a chance to see the identical issues by the new perspectives. Moreover, we were more generous of others’ ideas and become respectful for one another. This clearly shows that by meeting and talking with lots of individuals, people can broaden their narrow thoughts and views toward the world. 나와 다른 전공을 가진 친구와 이야기해보니 시야가 넓어졌다는 설명은 '친구를 여러 명 사귀는 것'의 장점과는 거리가 있는 것 같아요. 아주 논점을 벗어나는 것은 아니지만, 단순히 친구랑 이야기하면서 새로운 의견을 알게 됐다는 설명보다는 여러 친구들과 여러 관점을 공유하면서 broaden view할 수 있던 사례나 보도자료 등을 보여주는 편이 더 좋을 것 같습니다.
To summarize, because of the diverse experiences in various environments environment as well as the expanding expansion of perspectives people they are making to others, it is much more important to make a large number of friends than a minimal number of ones. On the whole, I strongly agree that although it is more or less difficult to get along well with various friends, people should seek to meet as many friends as possible for their lives.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–29)
논제에 대한 이해도가 높고 idea의 명확성이나 논리 면에서도 잘 작성된 글입니다. 내용을 응용하실 때 논제가 묻는 내용에 맞도록(예를 들어 현재 문제에서는 '많은 수의 친구'를 사귀는 것이 '다양한 친구를 사귀는 것'으로 핀트가 어긋나지 않도록) 조심해주시면 다른 관련 topic에서도 응용하기 수월하실 거예요. 다양한 주제로 연습해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!