Today, the ability to read and write is more important than it was in the past.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
As society develops many issues arise regarding our lives and raise heated debate among people. One such issue that arouses our interest is whether the capacity to read and write is more crucial than the past. pastime. *pastime: 취미, 여가 Personally, I disagree with the given statement and there are two reasons that could validate my position.
First, today, technologies in engineering improve, there are much more information in the form of image and video than of text. In the past, many people got information through books, which have lots of text and was main source of knowledge, because there was not the Internet and smart phones. Therefore, those who lived during this period should have needed the ability to read and write to get information. However, these days, the Internet has become the main source of getting information. The Internet is full of images and videos that do not require the capacity to read and write. 기술발전으로 정보의 전달 방식이 변화했기 때문에 읽기내용이 크게 중요하지 않다는 설명이 적절합니다. 과거와 비교해서 흐름을 연결한 부분도 좋습니다. 한문단으로합쳐주세요 According to a survey conducted by MBC, one of the Korean public broadcasting stations, more than 66 percent of people responded that they acquire knowledge by computer, smart phones and from the Internet. (스마트폰&티비는 장비라는 같은 category에 해당하지만 internet은 그와 다른 부류에 해당하므로 병렬구조로 연결하면 어색하다는 느낌을 줍니다. 마치 세탁기, 냉장고, 사과를 나열한 것 같은 느낌?이 들 수 있습니다^^) In the survey, more than a thousand people in the Seoul metropolitan area, the respondents said that they do not need the ability to read and write that much since they obtain information through images and videos. It clearly shows that these days, the potential to read and write is less important than in the pastime. 적절한 내용의 사례입니다.
In addition, the ability to tell right from wrong is more essential than the ability to just read and write in today's world. As the Internet technologies develop, there is so much information than the past. As a result, people should know how to discern which information is necessary and which is true and false. Just reading and writing information is insufficient. Selecting required information and telling right from wrong is essential in modern society. 현대 정보사회의 특징을 설명하면서 읽기능력이 과거보다 중요하지 않다는 점을 역설적으로 설명한 부분이 좋습니다. 명확하게 요지를 전달할 수 있도록 과거에 비해 읽기쓰기의 중요성이 '줄어들고' 정보에 대한 판단력이 '더' 중요해졌다는 식의 표현으로 강조해도 좋을 것 같아요. 한문단으로합쳐주세요 According to a survey, conducted by Ministry of Education, most companies these days prefer to hire people who know how to search needed information and distinguish true information among the false. In the survey, more than hundred companies in Korea, they said that the ability to recognize right and demanded information is required to be hired from a good company. It indicates that only the ability to read and write is not sufficient these days.
All in all, because of the reasons that mentioned above, I firmly believe that the skill to read and write is less important in contemporary society.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–28)
논제에 대한 이해도가 높고, 주장의 명확성이나 매끄러운 논리 흐름이 적절합니다. 어색한 표현이나 문법실수를 줄이고 논지를 더 강조하는 방향으로 improve하시면 충분히 만점도 가능할 것 같습니다. 두 body모두 사례 내용이 비슷한 형식으로 나열되어 있다는 느낌을 줄 수 있으니 이 부분도 수정해보시면 좋겠습니다. 꾸준히 다양한 주제로 연습해주시면 실전에서도 좋은 점수 받으실 수 있을 거예요^^ 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!