*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
The lecturer argues that three theories about playful behavior of animals is unclear. This goes against the reading passage's claim that three theories can explain the playful behavior of animals.
To begin with, the lecturer asserts that surplus energy theory is simply wrong. This is because young marine continued to play even though they are hungry and malnurlished. young marine은 lecturer의 주장을 뒷받침하기 위해 사용된 '사례'에 해당합니다. 단순히 '잉여에너지 이론은 틀리다'로만 정리할 것이 아니라 'young marine의 사례를 들며 반박한다'거나 '이러이러하니까 틀리다, 그 예로 young marine은~'하는 식으로 좀 더 정돈해주는 편이 좋을 것 같아요. This contradicts the reading passage's claim that animals animal play when they have excess energy.
On top of that, the lecturer claims that animals do not didn't play due to instinct-practice. In fact, play can result in injury, even worse they can be killed died during while playing. Because When animals play, then they become aggregate themselves, which attracts predator to them. These points contradict the reading passage's claim that play roles as an instinctual impulse that makes animal play. lecturer가 반박하는 내용은 '본능이 아니다'가 아니라 play가 '살아남는 데 별 도움이 되지 않는다'이므로 '본능'보다는 '생존을 위한' 본능이 현재 문단의 main topic이라 보아야 할 것 같습니다. 적절한 흐름이 되도록 다듬어주세요.
Finally, the lecturer says that animal do not didn't play to build relationships within a community. The lecturer points out that socialization theory can't explain that why wolves play even though they grew up. In addition, they often hurt each other or die died while they are playing. Therefore it is not play but a battle for to build hierarchy. This contradicts the reading passage's claim that animals play because they want to make relationships with other animals. 대립되는 point가 명확하고 detail내용도 잘 정리되어 있습니다.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair - Good (22–25)
대립되는 포인트가 명확하지 않은 부분들이나 표현상의 어색함을 보완해주세요. 기본적인 흐름이나 내용을 요약문으로 구성하는 부분들은 잘 하고 계신 것 같아요. 문제지의 답안과 직접 확인하셔서 노트테이킹에서 빠진 부분이나 잘못 이해된 부분은 없는지 내용 체크해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^화이팅!