It is often argued that if the general qualities of life have improved compared to those of the old days. There are some people who misses the good old days, but I strongly believe that people's lives are easier and cozier now than ever before. Because, there is a less chance for the condition of lives are threatened, and because we can benefit from advanced technologies. This is because there is less threat to our lives and because there are advanced technologies that we can benefit from.
To start with, I think people's lives are much easier and cozier now, because there are is few things to worry about (worry about 의 목적어가 few things로 나갔기 때문에 뒤에 filfilling~ 이 올 수 없어요. 문장구조를 바꾸셔야 뒤의 내용을 쓸 수 있습니다.) fulfilling our basic needs. Due to the advanced technologies, people have attained longer life expectancy, and less chance to be malnourished. Some people might say that there is still are malnourished children in some other (비교대상이 없기 때문에 other은 안 쓰는게 좋을 것 같아요) countries. However, it is undeniable that people's general quality of lives is gradually increasing. To be specific, according to the research conducted by World Health Organization, indicates that these days, malnourished children rate is lower than ever, and (앞의 내용과 뒤의 내용이 상반되기 때문에 and로 접속사를 사용하는 것은 옳지 않은 것 같아요. however이나 새로운 문장으로 It is ironic that 으로 이어주는게 더 좋은 것 같아요) people are living in the most hygienic world, due to the advanced medical technology and elevated rate of food supply.
이 문단은 우리 인생에 threat 이 별로 없어졌다는 문단이 나와야 하는데, 문단이 정리가 잘 안된 것 같아요. Malnourished children 이야기가 주가 되는 것 같기도 하다가 마지막에는 또 반대되는 내용이 나오고, 조금 focus가 안 된 문단 같아요.
Secondly, advanced scientific technologies ensure us to live cozier and happier lives than ever before(너무 같은 구문을 반복하는 것 같아요. 가능하다면 문장을 조금 다양하게 구사해 주시면 좋을 것 같네요). For example, modern people (뭔가 modern people의 어감이 썩 좋은 것은 아닌 것 같아요. 요즘 사람들이라는 표현으로 느껴진다기 보다는 좀 더 세련된 사람들이라는 느낌이 더 강한 것 같아요. People in present time 이런 표현을 쓰는것도 괜찮을 것 같아요) can enjoy various services from cutting-edge technologies, such as computers, and televisions, and Advanced transportation systems and et cetera. These technologies guarantees people to live more comfortable and easier lives. If it were not for the advanced technologies, we would have suffered be suffering from all those encumbering and tiresome tasks. To be specific, half a century ago, my grandmother had to raise water from local well. But in these days, people can watch movies in computers and communicate with people from all around the world, just by clicking mouses and typing few buttons. (할머니 시대의 물을 길러오는 예시랑 컴퓨터의 예시는 연관이 없어보입니다. 예전에는 물을 우물에서 길러와야 했지만 요즘에는 집에서 간단하게 물을 구할 수 있다, 마실수 있다 등으로 이야기를 하는게 더 좋을 것 같아요)
In summary, I strongly believe our lives are much easier and cozier than ever before because, we are living in a most advanced time throughout the history.