▶ Your Answer :
There are many students who have been studying to get a high grades from their classes. We are able to find that whether it is true or not in library on midterm or final test period. Grades not only make students study hard but also can show them their current academic abilities. There are many reasons to support that sentence this statement.
먼저 introduction paragraph에서 가장 중요한 부분은 thesis staement 인데요, 주제 소개와 주장 제시, 근거 나열을 해주셔야 합니다. 근거 나열을 하실 때 "~ 언급한 것처럼"과 같이 언급만 해주시는 것이 아니라, 구체적으로 뒷받침하는 어떠한 근거들이 있는지 써주셔야 합니다.
To begin with explanation that students study for grades, from my experience, when I was in high school, my school had a lot of tests which estimate student's abilities about how the students are understanding from each classes. I wasn't such a model student but I have needed to study because my overall GPA wasn't able to be qualified to apply for the college that I wanted to attend. So I have studied so to study hard to earn achievement like such as getting better grades. The more I've spent time on learning eagerly, The higher score that I could get was there written on my grading paper. I was getting encouraged about learning. Finally, I got an score qualified for applying to the college.
문단의 서두에는 "first of all", "to begin with"와 같은 연결어를 써주시면 좋습니다. 또, 첫 문장부터 예시를 드시는 것이 아니라 핵심을 간략하게 설명하는 문장을 써주세요. 예시는 개인적 경험을 토대로 한 거라 설득력 있고 좋습니다. 예시를 다 설명하시고 나서는 주제와 다시 연결하는 부연 설명을 덧붙여주시면 더욱 좋습니다~
The second reason is that Secondly, Grades grades can show us our current abilities about how are we understanding about what we are learning. To take a personal example, when I was learning about calculus that I have been going through harsh time, I couldn't even know my weak points or ways to solve my problems such as which part of questions I am weak and Is it right way to solve this kind of problem ?.After that, I have decided to take a self test to check my circumstance about what I am studying. I asked my math teacher to give some of questions that I have studied and I have taken that test for estimating my abilities. Consequently, I could find what kind of problems are hard for me to solve by myself and I have spent more time on them. Finally, I could overcome those problems and I got high score I saw for myself that Grades grades can show me current skills and give me what to do. 먼저, 예시의 다양성을 위해서 이 문단에는 개인적 경험을 토대로 한 것이 아니라, 전문 지식이나 연구 결과 등을 토대로 서술하시면 더 근거가 탄탄해질 것 같습니다. 또, 항상 예시를 설명하실 때에는 예시 설명에만 집중하는 것이 아니라, 주제와 엮어서 서술해주시는 것이 중요합니다.
In conclusion, Although although we do not study for score itself, we are able to receive exact and a lot of pertinent feedbacks which give the way how to study for weak part of what we are learning and time allocation from grade.
Conclusion paragraph의 중요한 내용을 모두 다 잘 써주셨습니다. Thesis statement를 재강조하는 부분도 깔끔하게 잘 써주셨습니다. 구절이나 단어들이 반복되지 않게 다양한 어휘를 써주셔서 더욱 좋네요~
좋은 글은:
Addressing topic, Task
Organization, Development, Explanations, Exemplifications
Unity, Profession, Coference
Consistency in language, Syntactic Variety, Vocabulary, Grammatical Accuracy
들을 다 갖춰야해요
주어진 논제를 잘 이해하시고 그에 따라 글의 구조를 잘 정리해주셨습니다. 문장 구조와 단어 선택도 간결하여 이해하기도 쉽습니다. 다만 꼭! 신경써주셔야 하는 부분은 thesis statement와 예시의 다양성입니다. 먼저, thesis statement를 잘 세워야, 글의 완성도가 높아질 수 있습니다. 예시는 다양하고 부연 설명이 많을수록 근거를 탄탄히 할 수 있습니다. 정말 수고 많으셨어요~ 이상 갤러거였습니다 :)
Raw Score:
4/5 -> 25/30
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