Some people prefer to let their friends make mistakes rather than put their friendship at risk by doing something (taking some actions). However, I believe it is better to get involved when you see your friends are about to make a mistake. This is because this will protect the interests (친구의 interest를 보호할 수 있다는게 무슨 의미인지 잘 모르겠습니다) of your friends and you can create a stronger friendship in the long term.
First of all, you can act in your friends' best interests if you provide help. If you know that your friend will make a mistake that is likely to get him or her in trouble, it is your job as a friend to ensure that they don't he/her doesn’t make mistakes. You would be just as much at fault if your friend had to endure difficulties and you knew how to prevent them. As an example, a friend and my friend and I once went to a party in his car (party in his car 이면 차에서 파티를 했다는 것이됩니다. By his car 등으로 써 주시는게 좋겠네요). Later that night, he wanted to drive back home, but I told him not to do that because he drank too much. I could tell he had too much to drink. Even though he insisted on taking his car to go back home, I refused to let him drive and called a taxi for him. If I had let him drive under the influence, he might have gotten into an accident.
좋은 의견과 좋은 예시지만, best interest라는 표현은 별로 적절한 것 같지가 않아요. 다른 단어를 선택해 보시면 좋을 것 같아요.
Second, your friendships will be stronger in the future if you give your friends assistance. This is because the your friend will eventually realize that you were looking out for him or her, and will appreciate your friendship more in the long term. For instance, when I was in a high school, I had a friend who was a smoker. I started smoking because of him, as I wanted to become a better friend of him. However, another friend of mine became angry at the fact that I started smoking. At first, I was offended that he got mad at me, but now I understand that he was a better friend for being more concerned about me.
In short, by looking out for your friends, you can not only protect their best interests but also strengthen your friendship in the a long run. For these reasons, I strongly believe that it is better to get involved to prevent your friends from making mistakes rather than letting them happen.
첫번째 이유에서 단어선택을 조금만 바꿔주시면 더 좋은 에세이가 될 것 같아요. 문법적으로도 크게 문제되는 부분도 없고 내용도, 의견도, 문장의 흐름도 좋은 것 같아요. 제가 위에 수정했으면 하는 부분들에 대해서 코멘트를 달아놨는데요. 다시 proof reading을 하면서 참고하면서 수정하면 더 좋은 에세이가 될 거 같아요.