Today, the ability to read and write is more important than it was in the past.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
A large number of people might argue that nowadays, the ability of reading and writing is not necessary for people. Contrary to the popular belief, I personally believe that today, high ability in reading and writing is more important than in the past for the following reasons: to increase academic performances and to mingle well with others.
To begin with, qualified reading and writing skills can contribute to outstanding academic performances. This is due to the fact that unlike the past, there are much more specialized reference books which students have to read for their assignments and students often have hard time with understanding these books. Moreover, reading and writing is essential traits for students to understand and express their main ideas of topics in their assignments. 오늘날 읽고쓰는 능력이 많이 요구되는 학업성적과 관련해 중요성을 설명한 부분이 좋습니다. 학업 성적을 높게 받는 것 자체도 과거보다 오늘날 더 중요하다는 점을 간단하게 appeal해주는 것도 좋을 것 같아요^^ According to the Ministry of Education of Korea in 2012, there was a huge difference between two groups of students in achievement. Students in Group A had a higher ability in reading and writing than Group B. The researchers showed that the students in Group A performed better in school getting got higher scores score in their assignments. (시험 점수와 같은 표현은 scores복수 형태로 사용합니다) The contributing factor was that their higher skills in reading and writing could help them to seize the contents and materials in class and to make better assignments and presentations. On the other hand, the students in Group B, who had hard time to understand and express their materials, dozed off in class and lacked focus in class materials. This clearly implies that the abilities in writing and reading have a direct correlation with the academic achievements. 적절한 내용의 사례입니다. 주제에 맞게 잘 활용한 부분들이 아주 좋습니다.
In addition, when people have a better ability in reading and writing, they can socialize well with others. This is due to the fact that compared to the past fast, after the invention of computers and smart phones, most people communicate with others by using these devices. Moreover, it is especially important given the fact that modern society is becoming increasingly digitalized. 통신장비들로 사람들이 대부분 커뮤니케이션한다는 내용과 읽고 쓰는 내용 사이의 관련성을 더 설명해주세요. 이러한 장비들이 text를 기반으로 사용되기 때문에 다른 사람들과 의사소통할 때 문자를 사용할 일이 많아지고 서로를 이해하는 데 있어 읽고 쓰는 능력이 요구될 수밖에 없다는 흐름이 드러나게끔 내용이 더 보완되어야 합니다. main idea자체는 명확하게 잘 제시되어 있습니다. For example, I had a friend, Mark, in high school and we usually communicated by chatting on the internet. When we had a chatting on the internet, he always understood my intentions and wrote a cheerful expression for me even though I did not write a lot about my situation. Moreover, every class mate mates liked him due to the his communication abilities, which made other peers happy. This shows that having a good skills in reading and writing enables people to have a good communication ability, which helps help them to mingle well with others. 나의 idea를 뒷받침하기에 알맞은 사례입니다. 디지털 환경 때문에 '읽고 쓰는 능력'이 커뮤니테이션에 있어 중요해졌다는 흐름을 보여주어야 하므로 다른 친구들도 "그와 연락 주고받기를" 좋아한다, 하는 식으로 내용을 appeal하는 것도 좋을 것 같아요.
In brief, although outstanding writing and reading skills are not essential these days because there are many helpful devices for people to replenish the lack of these skills, I strongly believe that these skills are becoming more important for the reasons I mentioned above. All in all, the ability in writing and reading cannot be underestimated in achievement and socialization.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–30)
전반적인 idea들이 나의 입장을 설득력있게 피력하기에 적절하고 그에 대한 설명의 논리 흐름 역시 매끄러운 편입니다. 사례 내용을 구체적으로 응용한 부분도 아주 좋습니다. 실전에서도 시간에 맞게 이 정도 쓰신다면 충분히 good level대 점수 가능하실 거예요^^ 모델에세이 응용과 내용 보완 부분을 중심으로 계속해서 연습해주세요^^ 수고 많으셨습니다. 화이팅!