It has been said that old people enjoy life rather more than younger people do because they have even more money than young people have. However, I am strongly convinced that young people can live a more funny life than the old. In the essay, I will present briefly two reasons supporting my idea.
The first reason for my opinion is that the young have many things which can make people live more joyful life. It is true that there are essential things such as time, passion, and strength in order to enjoy life. The youth have this these necessary things. If they want to go on a trip, they can do it right now because they have time, passion, and strength. On the other hand, older people cannot take a trip because they worry about many things. For example, they worry about where to sleep, what to do, or what to eat. Therefore, I think younger people enjoy their life rather than older people.
토플 에세이의 경우 formal한 tone으로 작성을 해주셔야 하는데요. Things 같은 단어는 informal한 단어이기 때문에 가능한 안써주시는 게 좋아요. 부득이하게 써야 할 경우 가능한 줄여서 써 주시는 것이 좋습니다. 하지만 이 문단에는 things라는 단어가 너무 많이 들어가 있는 것 같아요. 그리고 논리적으로 어리다고해서 잠잘곳, 먹거리, 할거리를 걱정 안하는 것은 아닌 것 같아요.
Another reason for my idea is that youth have some more money to spare in comparison to elderly people. They Young people can spend money that they earn because they do not have duty to support their family. However, the old people have to support for their children and their old parents. For example, although my uncle have been eager to is eager to go on a tour to Europe european tour, he cannot do it because of lack of money. He needs a remarkable amount of money for their children. Also, he needs additional money since to support for my grandparents. However, I went on the a trip this vacation at my own expense. This example clearly shows that young people can enjoy life rather than old people.
예시가 글쓴이의 의견에 대한 이유를 정확하게 설명 해 주는 것 같지 않아요. 제 생각엔 삼촌의 예시를 들을 때 삼촌이 돈이 있지만 가족에게 다 써야 했기 때문에 여행을 갈 수 없었다고 쓰는게 좋을 것 같아요. 그리고 본인의 이야기를 쓸 때에도 돈을 열심히 모아서 갈 수 있었다고 쓰는 게 좋아요. 부양할 가족이 없기 떄문에 더 freely 쓸 수 있었다고 하면 더 좋을 것 같아요.
In conclusion, I really (동사가 없습니다) the given statement that youth live a joyful life than elderly person because they have essential things which allow them enjoy their life and have money to spare.