■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic :It is
more important to use land for human needs such as farming, housing, and
industry than to save endangered animals. |
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▶ Your Answer : l There are some
people who say that it is more important to use land for human needs such as
farming, housing, and industry than to save endangered animals. However, in my
opinion (철자 오류), I think people should use land to save endangered animals. This is
because saving endangered animals can prevent environmental problems and people do not (줄임말 사용을 줄여주세요.) need to use land by destroying the environment since they already have
other vacant lands that can be used.
To begin with, saving endangered animals helps protecting animal diversity. And
animal diversity plays a huge role in protecting the environment of Earth.
Protecting the environment is important because we are confronting serious
environmental problems including global warming, air pollution and so on. I
read a newspaper recently that the earth is in serious danger and the overall
temperature of Earth is getting up. So it is really important to put an effort
to stop destroying natures. And using land for human needs such as farming,
housing and industry will only worsen these problems.
On top of that, considering human welfare, the land is not what people really
need. What I mean is that people don't have to destroy another land (another + 단수명사 입니다) and hurt
endangered animals when they get a proper distribution of current property. According to recent research conducted by a local university, in Singapore,
almost 60% of lands is a property for 20% people of this country. This research
also shows us that there are already many vacant lands that are waiting for
proper uses. So people have to distribute this land and use it properly.
In conclusion, saving endangered animals helps to protect the environment of
Earth and people don't need more lands because there are already many vacant
lands. For these reasons, I think saving endangered animals is more important
than using land for human needs such as farming, housing, and industry. |
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. and으로 문장을 시작하지 말아주세요.
moreover 등 다양한 연결어 활용을 해주세요!
3. 두 번째 문단의 토픽 센텐스가 설득력이 떨어지는 것 같습니다.
워딩의 차이인 것 같은데요.
많은 땅 없이도 풍족하게 살 수 있다는 점을 언급해주시면 좋을 것 같네요!
수고하셨습니다. *^^*