▶ Your Answer :Some people think that people easily make friends when they have same interests or personalities. However, in my opinion, I think that the more different properties that friends have, the bigger their friendship will be. There are two reasons. First, when there is gaps between friends’ interests, they can easily have concerns about each other. Second, through solving the hardship between them they can get more strong friendship. To begin with, when someone meets a person who has no connection of same hobby, someone can give him or her attention firstly. (무슨 뜻인지 해석이 안됩니다) It’s human nature when we face strange things, then these things automatically catch our eyes. Meeting divergent person can give us a new experience and it can lead us to pay attention for the unique friend. When we have friends that share same interests, then the continuous meeting of each other can be boring and tedious. For example, there are two friends of mine. One is a friend that has same interest in terms of movie genre. And the other is a friend that has totally different interest with me. When I watched movie with them respectively, the former friend and I can only share analogous feelings and we can see movie in same sight. And this experience repeatedly happened so I feel some boredom to her. However, when I experience watching movie with the latter friend, I can see movie in entirely different points. So I enjoyed watching movie more with the latter friend. Second, since we are different, we can have suffering between friends.(paragraph의 첫 문장인 만큼 바로 we이렇게 대명사를 쓰기보다는 주장만 확실하게 짚고 넘어가는것이 좋습니다) However through solving problems, we can discover the more strengthened bond with us. And (and나 but으로 문장 시작하는 건 지양해주세요) this lead us to have consequence of better friendship. For example, there was a poll conducted by Seoul university with 100 students as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view about the importance of hardship when we lasts our relationship. The majority of students replied that when they faced difficulty between friends and when they solve their hardship, they can get more valuable relationship between them. This was mainly because when we make solutions about restoring bonds within friends, we can reconsider problems in friends’ stance and we can understand friends’ minds. To sum up, people can have attention when their friends are different from them. Moreover, through fixing difficulties, they can get more strong friendship. In this regard, I firmly believe that people with different interests or personalities can be good friends.
조금씩 문장적인 오류는 보이는 편입니다. 이에 대해서는 formal한 글 많이 읽어보고 따라서 써보거나, 문장 쓰기 연습하는게 가장 도움이 될 것 같습니다. 주장은 좋은데, 그걸 문장으로 옮기는 과정에서 너무 어색해보입니다. 문장 최대한 많이 써보고 읽어보는게 가장 좋은 방법입니다. 또, 어휘는 많이 반복되는 편인데요 더 다양하게 표현 쓸 수 있도록 어휘 외울 때 동의어반의어 함게 외우는 거 정말 좋은 방법입니다 |