▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that they
hardly find a difference between children and adults. However, in my opinion,
there are numerous inconsistence among each of them between them for the following
subsequent reasons.
To begin with, one of the major differences between them
is responsibility. There are a lot of things for adults to care about, such as
job stability, family, or future. However, the young people usually do not
dwell on what they have to do. For example, I have worked in tutoring service
center since I graduated university, majoring education. I had a chance to
volunteer for both college student and elementary children. Most of college
students were easier to teach because they knew they would undertake their
responsibility for getting to get a job in accordance with their grade. However,
elementary school where elementary kids did not listen to me at all, was the
worst experience, because they did not really think about their future as an
adult. elementary school students did not listen me which was the worst experience I confronted with
On top of that, personality is also a distinguishable
feature adults and children. Their personal trait is varied as they encounter
some life-changing events, making their characteristic changed. For instance, I
have heard the stories about my mother from grandmother. My mother was a child,
she was always smiling and optimistic person When my mother was a child, she was an optimistic person. She sometimes made a lot of troubles
with their friends, making her be punished often. However, she turned to be
careful and fastidious person because she experienced unforgettable event that
she once failed to enter the university that she wanted to go. Since that time,
she rarely met her friend, but just studied.
To sum up, the young and adults are having discrepancies
regrading to their responsibility and personality since they are in different
circumstances and they have gone through varied level of experiences. In this
regard, I think it is possible to identify many differences between the young
and the grown.
점수: 25 어색한 표현들이 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 에세이 플로우로 하여금 방해를 줍니다. 따라서 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 지금 이 에세이는 이러한 부분을 재외하면 전체적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 전달하고 있는 에세이입니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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