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Many schools are providing classes regardless of students' inclination. However, in my opinion students should choose some of their classes. This is because it helps students to achieve their goal early, and it is more efficient way.
>서론 잘 쓰셨네요. ^^
First of all, choosing desirable classes helps students reach their goal early. This is because it is one of the fastest way to achieve their goal. If there is a student who wants to be a scientist, it will be much faster way for him or her to study related classes. Not to mention he or she would save much more time and effort than studying subjects that is nothing to do with his or her goal. Therefore students should choose classes which they prefer studying. For instance, when I was in the highschool, there were three students in my class, whose goal was to be a athelete. Since my highschool commitee understood their situation, commitee allowed them to choose classes that they want. So, they chose most of their classes as the physical education classes, and finally they could get enough grades to apply for the university where provides one of the best physical trainings and educations in Korea.
>is because it is one of the fastest way to achieve their goal.->토픽문장의 중복으로 보입니다..
이건 학생들에게 그들의 시간을 낭비하게 하기 때문입니다. 그들이 그들의 목표를 위해서 필요없는 과목들을 공부하고 배운다는 점에서,그렇지 않았다면 필요한 과목들을 위해서 헌신했을..
(This is because fixed curriculum makes students waste of their time in that they have to study and learn useless subjects for their goal, otherwise committed to neccesary those. (이건 게시판에 확인 부탁드리고 있으니까.. 맞는지 여부는 좀.. 기다리세용^^;;)
예를 두개 들어 주셨는데 하나만 들면서 좀 상세하게 써주시는 것이 좀 더 좋아보여요.
과학자가 되고자하는 학생들에 대한 예는 좀 피상적이게 들리므로 그 다음..운동선수 예를 상세히 써 보아요
>저의 경험을 예로 들겠습니다. Let me take my experience for example.
>When I was in the highschool, there were three students in my class, whose goal was to be an athelete.
>그들은 매우 재능이 있어서 전국구 체육대회에서 여러번 입상한 적이 있었고 우리학교 학생들과 선생님들도 그들을 인정했다. 유망한 꿈나무 운동선수들로서.
They were enough talented to win prizes in several national championships, so the students and teachers of my school recognized them as promising future atheletes.
>Since my highschool commitee understood their situation, commitee allowed them to choose classes that they want.
학교 이사회는 school board 이네요. 한문장을 두문장으로 늘려 보았어요.
The School board also understood the talented students would do better if they could increase their hours of practice.
After some meetings, the board allowed them to choose classes for their exercise time.
>So, they chose most of their classes as the physical education classes, and finally they could get enough grades to apply for the university where provides one of the best physical trainings and educations in Korea.
->The students practiced harder and intensively so that they could get enough grades to apply for the university which provides one of the best physical trainings and educations in Korea.
마무리 문장 써 주셔야 주제와 연결고리가 강해져요.
예를 들면,
>만약 그들이 학교로 부터 그런 배려를 받지 못했다면 그들의 연습시간은 늘어나지 못했을 것이고 원하는 대학교육을 받지 못했을지도 모른다. 그러므로 학생이 그들의 목표들을 가능한한 빨리 성취하기 위해서 유연한 커리큘럼을 가지는 것은 매우 중요하다.
But for the school board's solicitude, their practice time would not be extended and they might not have entered the school most fitted for them. Therefore, schools' having flexible curriculums is very important for students to achieve their goals as soon as possible.
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