Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Some parents or teachers insist that they regard television as a fool box full-box and it destroyed communications with family and classmates. However, in my opinion, I disagree with the statement for two reasons. Because television not only keeps keep people healthy also it has have educational purpose.
OFF TOPIC 논제가 묻는 내용은 [tv가 친구와 가족들 사이의 커뮤니케이션을 해친다/아니다]이므로 나의 답변은 '커뮤니케이션'과 관련된 내용이 되어야 합니다. 단순히 tv가 좋다/나쁘다를 묻는 문제가 아니기 때문에 tv가 스트레스를 풀어줘서 좋다는 답변은 논제의 '커뮤니케이션'과 전혀 관련이 없는 OFF-TOPIC의 답변이 됩니다. 논제가 묻는 내용을 다시 체크해보시고 그에 맞는 답안을 구성해주세요. 현재 문단에서는 문장 구조만 체크해드리겠습니다.
To begin with, watching tv brings a lot of pleasure and get which relieves stress right away. Nowadays, we have convention which promotes works explaning that working too hard is a virtue, so most of people are stuck with work. In addition, developing of electric electronic device brings makes people have more chances to have time alone. People busy for work working and might be reluctant to do doing outdoor activities and talk to their families. They might just watch tv while sitting sofa in front infront of tv and have snacks. During While waching comedy, they laugh laughted a lot and then even take off their worries or annoying things thing which in their mind. To illustrate this point, I was am always stressed out from my work. After back to my home from company late night, I don't have any power to have conversation with my families and just want to be alone. Works burdened me even when I am home, back to my home, thus I usually turned turn on tv to forget my worries. Then I watch watched a comedy program, which is my favorite program since then, I laugh laughed a lot and find found that my worries go away. Even nowadays, I watch watched the program to relex my mind. This shows that tv doesn't have a detrimental effect.
OFF-TOPIC 마찬가지로 tv의 장점에 대해 설명할 뿐 tv와 커뮤니케이션이라는 논제의 topic에 대해 설명하는 내용이 아니기 때문에 논점을 벗어난 내용이 됩니다. 결과적으로 <그러니까 TV는 가족과 친구들 사이의 커뮤니케이션을 방해하는 것이 아니다>라는 나의 입장이 연결될 수 있어야 합니다. TV가 스트레스를 풀어주고 교육에 도움을 준다는 idea는 그 자체로 TV의 순기능을 설명할 뿐 'TV가 커뮤니케이션에 방해가 된다/아니다'의 여부를 드러내줄 수 없으므로 논제에 대한 답변이 될 수 없겠지요.
Also, tv has have educational purpose programs program and also promotes promote social relationships. When people have meet each other first, they feel felt that it hard to talk each other. However, if they have watched watch the same program, then they it will be easier to talk to each other. Therefore tv plays have a role in breaking break the ice. In addition to this, tv programs, program especially educational EBS programs program which helps help students who do not doesn't have enough money to go to private lessons academies to study are useful. Students can study through tv programs program like school. To illustrate this idea, in Korea 2011, the Ministry of Education educational said that they will make college entrance exam composed of 70% of contents from tv education EBS programs. program had been dealed notions or ideas. This proves that watching tv benefits students who watch tv programs.
To sum up, I strongly believe that tv promotes social relationships and it can be or used as a study material. also helpful to relax not tv has destroied communications among chirdren.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited (1–16)
문법 오류가 너무 많아 문장의 전달력이 떨어집니다. 수일치, 태, 품사활용 등에 유의하면서 문법 오류를 꼼꼼하게 체크해서 매끄러운 문장을 구사할 수 있도록 연습해주세요.
tv의 장점에 대해 나열하는 것은 tv가 나쁘지 않다는 주장을 support할 수는 있지만 communcation자체에 대한 답변이 되어줄 수 없습니다. 논제의 statement에 반대하는 나의 입장으로서는 "tv가 커뮤니케이션을 방해하는 것이 아니다"라거나 "tv가 오히려 커뮤니케이션을 활성화시켜준다"라는 식의 주장을 appeal할 수 있어야 하고, 따라서 본론의 설명들 역시 tv가 커뮤니케이션에 있어서 갖는 순기능을 설명해주어야 하지요. 논제 내용을 점검해보시고 적절한 답변으로 재구성해주세요. 다른 분들이 쓰신 글을 참고하셔서 어떤 idea들로 풀어낼 수 있는지 체크해보시는 것도 도움이 됩니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!