Most people presume that by reading books, they can learn more and better than by watching TV. This argument is true given the fact that a variety of academic books exist and TV can be harmful to students. First of all, reading books is more worthy than watching TV in terms of learning. This is attributed to the fact that television stimulates and introduces violence in people rather than teaching. Many television programs tend to display far too stimulating contents, such as exaggerated actions, sexuality, and vulgar language. These contents can be easily imitated by people who lack a sense of judgement and morality when they are continuously exposed to them. For example, Jun Kim, one of my classmates in elementary school, used to be peaceful and calm. He has changed little by little after he started watching TV all day long because both of his parents were busy with work and used a TV as a babysitter for him. One day, he saw a TV commercial, describing a toy gun as a fun way to play with other kids by shooting each other. He realized that it looked like cool and fun. Finally, he hurt his friend, not feeling guilty. If it were not for TV, he would never have been exposed to such violence and copied. This instance implies that TV is not better way than books for students to be taught and rather, it is can be detrimental to human nature.
On top of that, students are able to get more information from reading books than staring at TV. This is due to the fact that there are a great volume of academic books in library which are associated with economics, mathematics, and history. With such numerous books, students can learn something that they cannot initially realize and appreciate adequately. For instance, when I was a freshman in university, I used to face a series of problem getting my reports done on time. After advised to find information in library by a senior. I could accomplish my report perfectly and get better grades than before. This implies that considering the enormous amount of information and knowledge given by books, reading them can contribute to learning something more properly than watching TV. students can learn something that they cannot initially realize and appreciate adequately그들이 처음에는 깨닫지 못하고 적절히 감상하지못했던 것들을 배우게 된다.. 라고 쓰고 싶으신것 같은데.. 처음에는.. 이라고 하기 보다는 책을 읽기 전에는.. 이라는 말을 붙여주는게 더 클리어해 보일 것 같습니다.
a series of problem ->이건 일련의 문제들이라고.. 문제 하나를 말할 때 쓰는게 아니라서 the problem이라고 써주세요. 후치수식이 있으니 the 써도 됩니다. 그리고 시간내에 못하는 문제를 가지고 있는데 결과는 왜 더 완벽한 레포트인지요.. 그리고 이 주제의 에세이에서는 TV와의 비교가 필요합니다. 막연히 책으로 문제를 해결했다고 쓰시면 안되구요.. 그리고 앞엔 TV얘기가 없었는데 뒤에 갑자기 튀어나오면 안되요..;; To sum up, as you can guess easily, when it comes to learning, reading books has many advantages that TV do not has originally. By doing so, students can learn intellectual knowledges without being affected by violent contents of TV programs. |
결론에서는 본문의 요약을 해 주시는게 좋은데.. 좀 생략된 것 같구요.. originally 라고 하기 보다는 TV프로그램이 현실적으로 가질 수 없는 라는 수식이 더 알맞을 것 같습니다. TV cannot have practically |