Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Reading books about real events is better than reading books about fictional events. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
There is a controversy over between realistic books and fictional ones over which books are more helpful to today's students between realistic books and fictional ones. It can look as though Fictional books are likely to look fictional book is childish and not informative. However, I firmly believe that they are is is better beneficial for students because it can be help students a help for dealing deal with stress and improve improving creativity.
To begin with, fictional books are better than realistic ones in terms of relieving stress. This is attributed to the fact that since fictional book tends to consist of more interesting and entertaining contents compared to realistic one, it enables students to lower their stress by reading. 뒷부분의 escape에 대한 연결고리가 되도록 학생들이 이러한 entertaining한 내용들을 보면서 현실을 잠시 잊고 몰두하게 된다는 내용을 포함시켜주세요. Such simple and quick escape from the reality may actually serve as a safety valve to let off some steam as well as a fun way to recharge energy. 적절한 idea와 설명입니다. 모델에세이를 응용하실 때에도 연결고리를 살펴보면서 체크해주세요^^ According to the Ministry of Education of Korea in 2009, there was a huge difference between two groups of students in managing their academic pressure. Students in group A who spent seven hours a week on average reading fictional books were more satisfied with their school lives than those in group B who rarely engaged in such activities. The reason for this was that students who read reading fictional books got less stressed out by such intensive school classes. On the other hand, those in group B were involved in dangerous activities, such as smoking, drinking, and stealing to cope with their stress. This implies that reading a an interesting fictional book can be an a effective and safe way to let off stress. 적절하게 응용한 알맞은 사례내용입니다.
In addition, reading a fictional book can contribute to improving creative thinking. This is due to the fact that most fictional books are written by a creative person with such creativity. Thus, it is not an exaggeration reading fictional books is the most efficient way for students to develop their creativity. 상상에 기반을 둔 소설책들이 창의적인 사람들에 의해 쓰여졌다는 사실과 학생들이 이를 읽으면 창의력이 길러진다는 내용 사이에는 직접적인 관련성이 없습니다. 구체적으로 fictional stories를 읽으면 왜 창의력이 길러지는지에 대한 설명을 보완해주세요. 예를 들어 상상력이 풍부한 작가에 의해 쓰인 글들을 읽으면서 이런 방식의 생각도 가능하다는 것을 알게 되고, 내용들을 머릿속에 떠올려보면서 imagine하는 습관이 들다보면 자연스럽게 상상력과 창의력이 길러지기 쉽다, 하는 식으로요. According to a study conducted by Seoul National University of Korea in 2002, there existed a huge difference between two groups of students in creativeness. Students who liked fictional books were classified as group A and those who were interested in academic books were classified as group B. Later on, researchers measured their creativeness by a certain test which was is customized to check the level of creativity. The researchers found that the level of creativeness in group A was much higher than that of group B. Not only that, it turned turn out that those in group A had a more potential to solve academic questions with higher creativeness. This means that unlike our common thought, fictional books are book is more valuable than realistic ones because they can in that they play a significant role in enhancing students' creativeness. 적절한 내용의 예증입니다.
In brief, some people presume that when it comes to getting knowledge and information, realistic book is better than fictional books. Of course, it is not untrue. However, fictional book has also its it's value in terms of lowering stress level and improving creativeness. Therefore, we should not underestimate the merit of fictional books.
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
여섯가지 항목의 채점 기준에서 살펴본다면 전반적으로 논리적 흐름이나 적절한 사례 사용 면에서 잘 쓴 글이라고 할 수 있습니다. 충분히 fair-good level 받으실 수 있을 거예요^^ 다만 body1에 비해 body2의 논리전개가 빈약하다는 느낌이 듭니다. 연결고리를 만들어서 구체적인 설명을 보완해서 글을 improve해주세요. 글을 작성할 때 마지막에 문법 실수들을 체크할 시간 여유를 가질 수 있게끔 조절하면서 다양한 주제로 연습해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!