There is a common misconception that planes have had a great effect on society than cars did have. It is a human nature that if a new or innovative invention is created, then people think the object have a profound effect on them. (문장구성이 의미를 잘 전달하지 못하게 하고 있습니다. It is common for people to think that when a new invention is created, it will have profound effect on them. 이런식으로 바꿔주시는 게 좋아요) However, in same token, it is car than that affect world more than planes do.
To begin with, cars have enormously influenced to economy, hence affecting on society even more. To be specific, since the world is too big to travel or move with bicycle and or bare feet, car was desperately needed from for majority of people who live in cutting-edge cities in particular. Therefore, many companies try to sell automobile to those people. It led our world to become well industrious place, thus affecting economy. For example, Dave Ford, who was a prominent CEO of car company “Ford”, instigated America to be a best economic country in the world. Because of his company, majorities of people happened to have had automobile. Consequently, it had a profound effect on society. Had it not been for the company, BMW would not even exist.
도시에 살지 않는 사람들에게 차가 필요하기 때문에 차를 만든다는 것 까지는 잘 이어진 것 같아요. 하지만 그 뒤에 Ford의 예시는 잘 support 되는 것 같지 않아요. 왜 Ford가 미국의 경제를 좋게 했는지에 대한 transition이 없는 것 같아요. 그리고 대부분의 사람들이 차를 가지게 된 것도 Ford와 연관되어서 잘 이어지는 것 같지 않아요. 좀 더 detail을 섞어서 문장들을 이어주는 게 좋을 것 같아요.
Last but not least, since cars release poisonous gases, it they affects on our society in not a good way. In fact, the gas emission gas from car have largely influenced to city, it is fastest way to pollute air circularities. For instance, one day, I happened to read discovery magazine I subscribed reported that air pollution has suddenly been weaken since automobile is invented. (문장이 문법적으로도 틀리고 문장구성도 바꿔주셔야 합니다. 의미전달이 전혀 안되고 있어요) In contrast, air plane actually do not influence (비행기도 지구를 오염시키기는 합니다) to pollution, since it flies up. Without car, the campaign for relieving air pollution would not been made many.
전반적으로 내용적인 면도 수정이 약간은 필요할 것 같아요. 좀 더 확실하고 logical 한 예시를 들으면서 의견을 support 하는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 그리고 문법적으로 고쳐야 할 부분들이 많은 것 같아요. 예를 들면 influence to 라고 올수가 없어요. 동사가 몇형식인지에 따라서 뒤에 전치사가 올 수 없는 것들도 있습니다. 문법을 잘 확인하시길 바래요.