Many people say that the television has had a greater effect on people's lives than the telephone has. In my opinion, however, telephone has affected our lives more than the television did for several reasons: telephone can be used in many different ways and telephone it helps the globalization in a some ways.
To begin with, telephones can be used in many different ways, such as contacting other people or texting as well. It is due to the fact that telephone is made to help people to easily keep in touch with others people easily. Furthermore, as because it is portable, more and more people tend to use it in daily lives. On the other hand, television only functions in a way that gives the information. It cannot do things more than delivering information and it is not portable unlike telephones. (문장구성을 바꿔주셔야 합니다. 의미 전달이 잘 안되요. 예를 들면, it only can deliver information and it is not portable like telephone is 라고 바꾸는 게 좋아요) According to a survey done by the Seoul National University of Korea in 2010, people were asked whether they use the telephone more or watch television more in daily lives. More than half of them answered that they use the telephones more. This implies that the more use of telephones means that more it is more related to people's lives.
In addition, telephone is helpful to the globalization. This is attributed to the fact that telephone can be used in any place at any time unlike the television can do. This function of the telephone has helped people to communicate with others all over the world. People usually keep in touch with other people using telephones, as it is enables people to talk to the person directly. According to a research done by Seoul University of Korea in 2010, researchers found out what type of communication style has affected the people the most. People answered that they used the Internet and telephones the most to communicate because they do not have to wait for long to contact others. This implies that telephone is being used quite frequently by people.
In brief, although television has had great effect on people's lives, the effect of telephone cannot be underestimated. It is because telephone can be used in many ways and it also helped in globalization.
제 생각엔 첫번째 이유랑 두번째 이유가 크게 다르지 않은 것 같아요. 결론적으로는 두가지 이유가 모두 휴대폰의 휴대성에 중점을 두는 것 같아요. 두번째 이유를 쓸 때 좀 더 globalization에 대해서 focus 해서 쓰는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 예를 들면 휴대폰의 사용으로 손쉽게 외국의 사람들과 비즈니스를 할 수 있어서 세상이 더 globalize 되었다 등의 이야기를 쓰는 게 더 좋을 것 같아요. 예시 역시 마찬가지고요. 그리고 문법적인 부분은 조금 다듬어 주시면 될 것 같아요.