▶ Your Answer :
Many
people still discuss whether art and music should become mandatory subjects at
school just like other major subjects such as math, history, science, and
language. Some people might think that art and music does not need to become
mandatory because they are less important. Nevertheless, I disagree with the
idea. In my opinion, art and music must be taught in every school. for the following two subsequent reasons
Every
child needs to learn about art and music since they are more helpful in
real-life situations To begin with art and music is helpful in real life situation. Some people consider that current major subjects such as
math, history, science, and language are more crucial. Nevertheless, it is
unlikely that majority of people use the information from these subjects in
real-life. For instance, how important would a mathematical knowledge be to a
waitress or farmer? On the other hand, art and music can assist many people
regardless of their fields of work. People enjoy art and music in many circumstances,
such as when they try to relax in relaxation. As a result, art and music knowledge can be
very helpful when meeting new people. Through chatting about preferences or
opinions about art and music, people can easily become friends.
Moreover,
mandatorily teaching art and music can help children find out their dreams and
talents students can find their dreams and talents. There are billions of people in the world, and every person has
different talents in which they are good at in which every person has different talents. However, if children do not get
any chances to meet art and music during their childhoods, it is possible that
some might not be able to notice their artistic or musical talents. For
example, Mozart might not have become one of the best musicians in human
history if he did not learn music in his early years. Especially in such fields
as art and music, it is essential to figure out the talent when the person is
young. If art and music are not mandatory at schools, there is a high
possibility that the society may lose potential geniuses.
In
conclusion, art and music must become mandatory subjects just like other major
subjects. Some people might still disagree with this, however considering the
real-life benefits and finding out early talents, the two subjects must be
taught in every school.
점수: 26 일단 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 이유 부분을 좀 더 간결하게 서술하시길 바랍니다. 지금 이 에세이는 이러한 부분들을 재외하면 전체적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 전달하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시들을 통하여서 왜 음악과 미술이 중요과목이 되어야 하는 것인지를 잘 보여주고 있습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |