▶ Your Answer :
My country, one of developing countries have built a lot of houses and factories for decades. Some people in my country might think that there is still more need for land to be developed for housing and industry. However, in my opinion, it is better for my country to leave land in its natural condition for the two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, people can be more healthier. It is indisputable that the health of citizens is the most important part in the country. If the country operates a lot of factories to develop industry, however, detrimental gases can be more generated and remained in atmosphere as detrimental gases can be more generated, it will remain in atmosphere for long time. These harmful gases can cause for people to come down with sickness such as heart or lung diseases. On the other hand, people can breathe fresh air by maintaining natural condition of land. According to studies at Environment Institute in Europe, people who lived near factories showed high proportion to be caught a heart disease. In terms of human life span, these people lived 10-year shorter than people who lived in the suburb. The experts demonstrated that the heart disease was caused by harmful gases from factories.
On top of that, the habitats of wild animals can be maintained. These days, devastated ecosystem has been a real issue in the world. If the country develop develops (country는 단수 주어 입니다) land for industry, wild animals will lose their habitats and the number of their population will plummet. To overcome the problem, the country should leave land in its nature condition. A few decades ago, for example, there were a lot of bees in my country, which help in growing vegetables or fruits. However, the country ruined nature to build houses for people. This gave rise to decrease in the number of bees. Inevitably, the cultivation rate of fruits, such as apples or grapes, was highly decreased. To handle this, my country tried to recover the environment and it took almost ten years to stop decreasing the number of bees.
To sum up, the advantages of leaving land in its natural condition far outweighs those of developing land. All in all, the importance of land as a natural environment should not be underestimated in our lives.
점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에있어서는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 완벽히 숙지가 되어있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명들을 통하여서 왜 환경을 그대로 유지하는 것이 더 좋은지를 잘 설명하고 있습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |