▶ Your Answer :
Some people might
think that doing study with their children together is most important thing to consider.
However, in my opinion, children also need to have time with their parents for
playing games and sports.
To
begin with, having a time for entertainment with parents improves a relationship between
them and their children. Some might think that parents do not have to be a friend
with their children. However, there are many benefits of to being friend with
their parents. This is illustrated by a study conducted in Stanford University
Psychology Laboratory. According to the study, children who thinks themselves are
close with their parents have tendency to achieve their subject with higher
scores in class. (Because of what?) It means that having a good relationship with parents contribute them to
being more talented.
On
top of that, to live well after being adults, it is good to learn games and
sports when they were young. It might seem that just having more time to study
is a solution for having successful life. However, it is quite wrong because
doing only study is stressful. Sometimes, they need rest and fun for doing
their job more effectively. For example, when I was young, I had a friend whose
parents always have him to study whenever he could. At that time, it seems that
he would have a successful life, because his grade was very good, and every teacher
said so. Unfortunately, he did not become very successful guy as I expected. He
told me that he regrets for doing only study when he was young so that he lost
a way for enjoying his life.
To
sum up, having more time for entertainment with parents makes better
relationships in family, and their child to satisfy their life when they grow
up. In this regard, it seems probable that doing only schoolwork with children is
worse than having a lot of time for playing games and sports with children.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-23 | - 동명사구로 시작하였을 때는 동사에 -s를 붙여주세요.
- 부모님과의 관계가 가깝다고 느끼는 학생들의 학업성취가 높다는 연구예시서는 적절한 근거가 제시되어 있지 않습니다. - 내용 설명 부분에는 some people might think~라는 입장을 밝히지 않아도 됩니다. - 두 번째 내용과 주장은 "어떻게 해서 어릴 적 스포츠/게임을 부모님과 함께 하는 것이 어른이 되었을 때도 긍정적인 영향(ex.relationship)을 미치는지에 대해서"에 언급하셔야할 것으로 보입니다.
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