There are different opinions among people regarding whether it is proper for high school students to choose subjects that they want to learn in their study. Although it is true that they could can enjoy their school lives if they can choose to study subjects that they like and focus on studying they like to learn, I believe that it is more beneficial for students to have a variety of courses in high school. In this essay, I will present two reasons to that support my opinion.
Most of all, with various knowledge they learn in high school, students can learn and understand a lot of things that encourage them to find out their real potential and abilities. Specifically, if they choose what they want to study, some of them couldn`t have opportunities to study how materials surrounding them are made not choosing science (문장이 무슨 의미인지 전혀 이해가 되지 않습니다. 문장구성을 바꿔주세요). However, if they were given many courses such as history, math and physics, they could know whole things related to them above and find out which field they can prove have their potential in. For example, in my case, I liked to learn and study history, so I had dream about becoming a historian. I hated studying and memorizing weird science things. But, as being exposed by science world for several times in high school, I realized that not only did I have a great potential to get great good grades in chemistry, but also I can work in chemistry sector. As a result, now I am studying chemistry engineering in college. In this regard, high school students should try to learn entire courses that high school provides.
Moreover, high school students aren`t mature and sensible enough to decide what they should study, so they may make wrong decisions related to their study. In particular, they don`t know and understand why these courses are required do to take and why they have to memorize this equations that seems unnecessary in their future. So, if they were asked to schedule their own classes choose whole subjects whatever, they would not lose chances not to study challenging subjects, which results in bad consequences that few students are going to choose that kind of difficult courses. (문장구성을 바꿔주세요. 일단 어떤 의미인지가 전달이 되지 않고 있고요. 문법적으로도 틀려요. 정확히 어떤 의미로 쓰셨는지가 파악이 안되기 때문에 예를 들어서 수정을 해드리기가 좀 어려운 문장이네요.) In addition, schools need to compulsory educational courses for their students. (need to 다음에 동사가 와야 합니다. Compulsory educational courses 는 명사이기 때문에 need to 뒤에 올 수가 없어요. 만약 학교가 학생들을 위해서 특정 수업들을 강제적으로 가르켜야 한다고 쓴 거라면 schools need to teach some courses to their students even with a force 라는 식으로 쓰시면 됩니다) Most high school students don`t like to stay in high school with their reference books and take a 50min class listening to at teachers. Once school provides them with chances to choose what they want which means education they receive are not mandatory anymore, they are able to have rooms in their mind and lose motivation to study harder. For these reasons, choosing subjects are not acceptable because mandatory educational system is more effective for high school students. (문장이 말이되지 않습니다. 문법적으로도 말이 안되고 문장의 의미전달도 안되요. 수정이 필요한 문장입니다. 이렇게 길게 쓰기보다는 짧게 여러가지 문장으로 써서라도 clear하고 succinct 하게 의견을 전달하는 게 더 중요해요.)
In conclusion conclude (in conclusion 또는 to conclude를 써야 합니다), I totally agree with this the statement that high school students should not be able to choose what they study on account of the reasons above: they need to experience a variety of study which make them become men of more ability and they are not qualified for choosing courses they study for their immature.
전반적으로 문법적인 실수가 너무 많은 것 같아요. 에세이를 다 쓴뒤에 다시한번 읽으면서 문법적인 부분을 신경써서 고쳐주시는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 실제로 토플 시험을 볼때에도 가능한 시간을 남겨서 proof reading을 해 주시는 게 좋아요. 문장구성도 너무 애매하게 쓰신 부분이 많아요. 이런경우 한문장을 길게 쓰려고 하기 보다는 짧은 문장 여러 개로 간단하게 말하는 것도 괜찮은 것 같아요.