Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
As people began to prefer convenience, food companies devised of foods that can be prepared easier. There are variety of foods in the market that can be made easily on the market such as curry that takes only three minutes of boiling or a bowl of rice which only needs one minutes of microwave. This convenience These conveniences in preparing food have benefited the lives of people in the contemporary world.
To begin with, the easiness in preparing food helped people in saving time. In the past, preparing for the meal took consumed a lot of time because the cook had to do everything. In order to make one dish, the cook had to buy the ingredients, learn the recipe, and make all the needed sauces for the dish. However, today, sauces are available in the market. There are even dishes that are already cooked and only need to be heated at in home, so people can eat it right away. This saves a lot of time since people do not have to learn how to make sauces or even the dish. With this saved time, people can now do other activities other than cooking. This has improved the lives of women mostly. Women spent most of their time preparing meals for their family. Fortunately, after these improvements, women were able to can have jobs and enjoy other activities without the pressure of preparing meals. For instance, according to my grandmother Mary, she had to spend spent most of her day cooking because when she was a young mother, she had to make everything by on her own hand. On the contrary, my mom(,) Jane does not spend much time in cooking since she can buy a variety of already-made foods in the market. Currently, Jane has a job, and she does not feel any pressure in providing food to the family members. This shows that people saves a lot of time because of the increased convenience in cooking, which enables people to enjoy other activities. (좋아요. 주장에 대한 이유도 괜찮고 예시도 적절한 것 같습니다. 예시 구체적이고 디테일하게 잘 써주신 것 같아요^^)
On top of this, people can eat delicious food even though they lack the ability to cook well. While there are some people who can make every food well fantastic, there are people who cannot cook anything. Thanks to today's technology, many foods are available on the market that are already been made. People do not have to learn/know be aware of the recipe now. This will improve how people live by reducing stress of cooking but enjoying good diet. For example, I am a poor cook. I cannot even fry my egg. Because of this, I was very worried and stressed when I lived alone abroad. However, when I went to the market, I was very surprised at how many choices of foods I have that I can eat without cooking. I did not have to go to the restaurant to eat. I just had to buy those foods on the market, heat the food, and enjoy it. It was so convenient and provided me with good diet. Every time I have to eat, I do not get stress because I do not have to worry about cooking anymore. This indicates that the comfort in preparing food can improve (enhance는 강화하다라는 의미로 쓰이기 때문에 여기서는 조금 맞지 않는 것 같아요)enhance one's life lives by reducing stress and providing getting good diet. (이 문단에서도 예시 적절하게 잘 써주셨습니다~)
The enhanced quality of people's lives can be attributed to the easiness of preparing food- people do not need for no need for the ability to cook, and they can save an the immense amount of time saved.
Essay 0-30 score scale
Good~Excellent (25~28)
총평:
1. 전반적으로 크게 흠 잡을 부분 없이 잘 써주셨습니다. 내용면에서 주장과 이유들이 깔끔하게 나타나있는 것 같고, 예시도 위에서 말씀드린 것 처럼 디테일하게 잘 써주신 것 같아요. 통합형 에세이는 400자 내외를 쓰는 것이 고득점을 받는데에 유리한데, 그런 면에서 길게 써주신 것은 높은 점수를 받는데에 도움이 되는 좋은 부분인 것 같습니다. 문장력도 좋으신 편인 것 같고, 어휘력도 높으신 것 같으니, 앞으로 공부하시는 방향은 에세이 내용이나 구성에 신경 쓰시기 보다는 완벽한 점수를 받기 위해 작은 실수까지도 없앨 수 있게 준비하시는 쪽으로 하시면 좋을 것 같아요 ^^
2. 문법 오류가 크게는 아니지만 조금 보였습니다. 앞서 말씀드렸듯이 고득점을 노리시며 준비하셔야 하기 때문에 작은 오류와 실수들도 하지 않게 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 꼼꼼하게 검토하는 습관을 가지시길 바래요. 가능하면 에세이 작성 시간을 분배할 때에 브레인스토밍에 5분, 서론,결론에 각 3분씩, 본론에 15분, 그리고 마지막 4분 정도는 에세이에 문법,스펠링 오류나 내용적인 면에서 이상한 곳이 없는지 체크하시는 시간으로 하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 특히 실제 시험 때에는 긴장감 때문에 문법 오류는 아니더라도 스펠링 오류가 생각지도 못한 곳에서 생길 수 있습니다. 때문에 꼭 검토 시간을 가지시길 바랍니다~!
수고 많으셨습니다 :)