(There is) An ongoing debate over whether
achieving success without the help of one’s family today is (being) much easier than in the past. Some people
believe that one’s success is still
dependent on one’s family as one should be
supported by one’s family if one accomplishes success. (Whenever you feel that you are using one word too much in a
sentence, it means that it needs restructuring. = “one”) However,
contrary to the opinion, I maintain that people are better able to success (succeed)
by themselves when compared people do in the past. This is largely because
developed technology enables people to do their task efficiently. Moreover(,) coworkers have more influence on one’s success
today instead (of families).
To begin with, with the help of technology, people can
achieve success without the help from
their family(ies) today. Advance in technology
give people greater opportunities to do their task efficiently and in the short(er)
period of time. This efficiency allows individuals to get the chance of
success. For example, in the past, most people engaged in agriculture that
needs many labors. So they ask their family to help their task. In contrast, in
the present, people’s work occurred in (on)
the Internet. So they use the Internet and solve their work load with ease and fast (speed). (Emphasize the modern workforce’s independence rather than
the speed of work.)
Furthermore, instead of
family current people are affected (more)
by coworker (than by families) as far as success
is concerned. These days, there are great amount of work in workplace(s), (in) which people
spend their most (of their) time getting along with their coworkers.
And they provide one another with strategy of success and useful information.
So they keep each other moving forward
(toward) their success. According to a study
conducted by a team of researchers at Harvard University, 80% of the (sample) responded workers
reported the importance of their coworkers related to their success (that coworkers…). As a study shows, coworkers have
more impacted on one’s success.
To summarize, (it) is
much easier to achieve success today without the help from one’s family than it
was in the past on the grounds that with the help of technology, people do
their task easily and efficiently (more independently) and the
existence of coworkers is (are) more influential in
(one) one’s success presently.