Schools should ask students to evaulate their teachers,
Some people say that teachers should not be assesed by students. This is b(B)ecause teachers know a lot and they have their own already studied many times than average peeple so they need not interrupted their teaching style, which should not be interrupted by through others' evaluation. However, I think, teachers needed feedback from through their students. It will benefit to students because they would participate in classes more take class actively than before; also, teachers would prepare for their class more thoroughly and studied their lectured professionally.
First of all, if students are able to evaluate their teachers , they will be encouraged It will encourage students to actively participate in class.(밑줄 친 문장처럼, 이유만 써주시기 보단 주장을 한번 더 써주시는 편이 더 효과적이에요~!) If students were to evaluate their teachers' Due to valuating teaching style, teachers would try hard effort to improve improving their teaching perfomance and prepare lecture diligently profoundly. This would make Therefore students to have a chance to more learn better during classes, and they would also be students would satisfied with the changed teacher's teaching style. Moreover, if teacher's teaching style or performance gets better boost, students would fully understand the materials they learn at their subjects during school, and parents would not have to spend money on their son's private academ(ic)ies tuition. Therefore, it would benefit the to house economy. (문단의 내용과는 상관 없는 내용이에요. 한 문단에는 하나의 중심 내용만이 있어야 하고, 그 밖에 연관 없는 내용들은 빼주시길 바랍니다!)
To illustrate this point, when I was a middle school student, My school accepted teacher's evaluating program, So every student must estimatied their teachers. To avoid For not to getting bad grades, all of the teachers developed their teaching method and studied hardly their teaching teeching subject. (이 예시는 학생들이 수업을 듣고 배우는 데에 도움이 된다는 중심내용이 아예 빠져있기 때문에 적절하지 않아요. 오히려 이 예시는 다음 문단에 나오는 내용과 연관이 있는 것 같습니다. )
On top of that, In the long run, It will be good for teachers too. At first, they would be were reluctant to be evaluated themselves.Because they used to evaluated elite others and boasted themselves. But sometimes, they would get bored with giving the mundane their job because they always teach same lecutres lectures over and over, without improvements just changed other students annually. At that time through student's evaluation, evaluating their job's style, they will struggle with to avoid getting a gain bad score, so they would study studied their subject hardly and prepare(d) their lectures like when they first they became teacher. Through this process, they would regain their enthusiasm at their work. Also students would more concentrate on their class more than before, which it makes teachers feel worthy. To illustrate,as I mentioned before, our schools accepted evaluating system, and after this system, most of teachers said that it was really helpful to get out of their lazy attitude to their jobs and refresh their mind.
To sum up, I advocate this statement because not only students would learn more depthly but also teachers would renew renewal their mind. For these two reasons, schools should accept students assessing the teachers teacher's assessment.
Essay 0-30 score scale
Limited (10~14)
총평:
1. 내용을 조금 더 정리하실 필요가 있으실 것 같아요. 본문 문단 두 개의 내용이 겹치는 부분이 너무 많은 것 같습니다. 첫 번째 본문 문단에는 학생들에게 좋은 점만 초점을 두어 말씀해주시고, 두 번째에는 선생님들에게 좋은 점을 위 내용과는 겹치지 않게 말씀해주시길 바래요. 에세이를 작성하시기 전에 종이에다 무슨 내용을 쓸 것인지 브레인스토밍 한 후에 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다^^
2. 문법 오류와 스펠링 오류가 많이 보였어요. 좀 더 꼼꼼히 체크하시는 것은 물론이고, 또한 좀 더 문법 공부를 겸하시며 작문 연습을 하시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
수고 많으셨습니다 :)