> > 2013-08-14 15:21:42, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
* 총 작성시간 : 17분 31초 |
* 단어수 : 349 자 |
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic : The television has had a greater effect on people's lives than the telephone has. | |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people may think that telephones have played (뒷문장과 시제를 맞추어 주었습니다.) bigger roles in people's lives. However, I firmly believe that televisions has have (주어가 복수형이므로 have가 되어야합니다.) had more important effects (more이 있으므로 복수형이 되는게 더 자연스러운 표현입니다.) on people's lives than the telephone has. This is because television affects people's life style lifestyle (lifestyle은 한 단어입니다.) a lot and it is the major source of information.
To begin with, television is the media source which has a big impact on people's lifestyle. life styles. It shows and forms how people live. For example, television had played the a great role in on the spread of cars in the United States during 1950s. In 1950s, American society was changing quickly since people enjoy their wealth and prospering culture. Car was one of the most outstanding features of the period as many people bought cars it (주어가 단수형인 car이므로 it으로 대치가능합니다.) for their convenience and more enjoyable lives. Television programs continously featured an ideal family who were wealthy and enjoyed (앞선 동사가 과거형인 were이므로 시제를 맞추기 위해 과거형으로 바꾸었습니다.) driving in cars. It showed the rising usage of cars in the (유일명사 앞엔 the가 붙지 않습니다.) America and also encouraged people to own cars to live like the ideal family famlies in the TV show. As it shows, television reflects our contemporary life styles lifestyles and even promote it them (대명사가 지칭하는 명사가 lifestyles, 즉 복수형이므로 them이 되어야합니다.) to the public.
In addition, people get much of their information from television. To be specific, news programs (news는 티비 프로그램이므로 program을 빼주셔도 됩니다.) informs people of what is happening now all around the world. Moreover, various types of television programs, from cooking programs to audition shows, offer watchers information and knowledge. According to the survey by Seoul National University, 67 percent of the respondents said they attain knowledge or information from television. On the other hand, only 7 percent of them responded that they get information via telephone. This research assures that the major source of information for people is television, not telephone. Therefore, it is obvious that televisions have greater impact on people's lives than telephones.
To summarize, I think that television has had more effect on human's lives than telephones had; televisions reflect and affect people's live styles lifestyles and it is the most significant source of information.
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안녕하세요 에세이 잘 읽었습니다 =)
많은 실수 없이 잘 쓰셨습니다만 시제를 맞추는것과 알맞은 동사 형태를 쓰시는 부분에 있어서 약간의 문제점이 보였습니다 ㅠㅠ 주어가 무슨 형태인지 정확히 파악하셔서 동사를 쓰시고 한 내용의 시제는 쭉 맞춰주실수 있도록 노력해보세요!
그리고 결론이 많이 빈약한 편입니다. 결론의 역할은 주제와 자신의 생각을 다시한번 언급만 하는 것이긴 하지만 그것만으론 전체 에세이의 마무리를 짓기는 부족합니다. 마지막에 에세이 전체를 마무리 하는 한 문장을 더 적어주신다면 더 좋을것 같습니다 ^^ 수고하셨습니다!
화이팅하세요~