it is very important for families to regularly eat their meals together.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Some people contend that it is very important for families to regularly eat their meals together. I support such argument. There are many reasons that could espouse my position, but the two biggest reasons that could my position will be explained in the following.
First of all, people should eat meals with their families together frequently. This is because it can be revitalizing, offering and effective outlet for releasing stress and tension. As society becomes complex and faster-changing, people are increasingly tied up by heavy workloads. The result is frustration, as they feel pressure to handle tons of work. Because enjoying foods together is exhilarating activities, however, it can help relieve stress and tension. In this context, people should have food with their families. 가족들과 식사를 하면 스트레스가 풀려서 좋다는 주장 자체는 reasonable합니다. 가족들끼리 함께 식사하는 것이 '왜' 스트레스를 푸는 데 도움이 되는지를 조금 더 설명해주는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. My own case is a good example of this. In my daily work, I am swamped with lots of tasks. In addition, I have to face difficulties arising from complex relationships with my co-workers and bosses. Then, I enjoy delicious food with my family and try to relax. To my astonishment, even if it is only for a brief moment, I feel deeply composed and successfully gain some distance from my stress-ridden daily routine. And I also feel energized and ready for another day's struggle with hustle and bustle of life. 적절한 사례입니다.
Moreover, enjoying food with family members together is useful in that it encourages people to have stronger ties with their family. others around them. In this competitive society, people are under great pressure to outpace others other, and thus lack time to be with their families and friends. As a result, they are less emotionally attached with their families and friends than they were in the past. By having foods together and sharing their fun, however, it could sustain solid relationships among family members. with their families. Therefore, people should eat meals with their families regularly. 논제에 대한 답변으로 적절한 내용입니다. 'family'가 키워드이므로 이 부분을 살려주는 편이 좋습니다. According to a recent survey in Health Magazine, nearly two-thirds of two third people felt that they could restore bonds with their families and friends through fun activities, including enjoying meals with their families. They also argue that they could exchange ideas and develop sympathetic bonds while eating meals together. This increases emotional attachment and, by extension, social awareness. 사례 내용 역시 마찬가지로 '가족'만 남겨두는 편이 더 적절하겠습니다.
All in all, because of the reasons mentioned above, I firmly believe that enjoying foods with families in time should not only be allowed, but encouraged.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair - Good (20-27)
모델에세이를 응용할 때 논제 내용에 대한 답변으로 구성될 수 있도록 키워드와 내용 흐름에 신경써주세요. 때에 따라 사족이 되거나 off-topic내용이 되는 경우가 많습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. 화이팅!