▶ Topic :
Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Some people think that they are able to learn better by themselves than with a teacher. However, in my opinion, learning with a teacher is much better than studying alone because teachers have more information and experiences experience therefore they can help a student to learn in-depth knowledge and interaction with teacher makes make a student to become more social figure.
Fist of all, teachers have valuable information and they are an expert to give knowledge to others. Therefore, we can learn more in-depth knowledge and more sophisticated structure of mechanism about academic academy thesis. When we study alone, there must be some difficult questions which cannot be solved or complex concepts hard to understand. However, with teachers, we can have opportunity to understand the hard problems because they give numerous advice or help to figure them out. 선생님이 지식을 전달하는 데 있어 전문가이기 때문에 더 구체적인 내용을 배울 수 있다는 idea와 설명이 적절합니다. 혼자서 공부할 때의 내용을 간략하게 비교한 부분도 좋습니다. For instance, when I firstly entered to high school student first, I studied alone. However, my first score in math was is 48 and it was very poor marks. After the shocking shock results, I always followed a math teacher and questioned every day about problems which I couldn't understand. Thankfully, he kindly explained accounted for the solutions. As a result, my math score was raised to 84 point. This case eminently shows how teachers play an important role in helping learning process. 주장을 뒷받침하기에 적절한 내용의 사례입니다.
On top of that, interaction with a teacher helps help students student to build up knowledge effectively. Students usually build up their own view by sharing idea, debating or having conversation with teachers. If a student studies alone, he would be dogmatic. In this sense, interpersonal activities are required to student in learning process.지식을 쌓는 것에 초점을 둘 것인지, develop one's own view하는 데 초점을 둘 것인지 문단의 핵심 내용을 명확히 해주세요. 학생들이 선생님과 상호작용 하면 어떤 점이 좋은지에 대해 clear하게 밝히고 이것이 왜, 어떻게 그런지에 대한 수순으로 설명을 이어나가는 것이 자연스럽겠습니다. <지식에 대한 부분은 body1에서 설명했으니 body2에서는 personal view를 획득하는 과정에서 선생님과 토론하고 이야기하는 interaction을 하면 생각하지 못했던 점에 대해서도 알 수 있게 되고 다양한 의견이 존재할 수 있다는 점을 자연스럽게 받아들이면서 broaden view할 수 있는데 / 혼자서 공부하면 textbook의 지식만을 받아들이기 때문에 편협한 사고방식을 낳거나 더 넓은 범위로 사고의 확장이 불가능할 수 있다.>하는 식으로 단계적 구성으로 다듬어주세요. According to the recent research of Seoul National University, there is a significant gap between two subjective groups. Group A was made is make up of by students who study alone. Group B is required to share ideas and debate each other when they study. After a few days, both groups took a test related to tested several academic questions test and the average score of Group B was is considerably higher than Group A. This research shows have shown that interaction between other people such as teachers helps help students student to learn more than studying study alone.
Overall, we can learn better with a teacher than study alone because social interaction with teacher helps help students student to learn more effectively and they can give in-depth knowledge. For these reasons, I strongly believe that learning with teachers teacher is much better than learning by oneself.
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task 적절한 설명 appropriate explanation 적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details 일관성, 단계적 구성 unity, progression, coherence 다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety 적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
여섯가지 항목의 채점 기준에서 살펴본다면 전반적으로 논제 파악이나 적절한 예증 면에서는 좋은 점수가 가능하겠지만 문법적인 부분이나 명확성 면에서 아쉬운 점들이 있습니다. body1의 논리전개나 idea는 아주 좋습니다. body2에서 명확하게 idea를 보여줄 수 있도록 내용을 좀 더 다듬는다면 좋은 점수 받으실 수 있을 거예요^^ 글을 작성할 때 문법 실수들을 체크할 시간 여유를 가질 수 있게끔 조절하면서 다양한 주제로 연습해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!
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