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■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic :It is better to learn about foreign countries from newspapers and magazines than to visit those countries
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▶ Your Answer :Some people might say that it is better to learn foreign countries by visiting than to read newspapers and magazines about those countries. People from different walks of life might take different stances on this issue. Personally, I agree with the given statement, and would like to present two reasons that could validate my position.
The first point is that more detailed information can be obtained from newspapers and magazines. The reporters are the one who have spent many times and efforts on the area. Therefore we will be able to gain better information by reading newspaper and it won’t take too much time. Take my experience as an example. I went to Osaka, Japan last winter. I had so much fun there and learned a lot of information about Japan’s history. Since I became so interested in Japan’s history, after the vacation I have read many reports about Japan from the newspaper and magazines. I was surprised that there were tremendous amount of things that I could learn from the reports. In this regard, I learned more information from the newspapers and magazines than actually visiting Osaka.
Another compelling reason is that there are limitations to visiting many countries. It not only coast money but also waste a lot of time. According to research done by the institution of JYP, 80% of the respondents said that they prefer to learn about foreign countries from newspapers and magazines than to visit those countries. What this means is that it is too much pressure for them to visit every single country, it will cost too much money. This clearly shows that learning from newspaper and magazines and more beneficial.
All in all, because of the reasons mentioned above, I firmly believe that it is better to learn foreign countries by reading newspapers and magazines. | |
Some people might say that it is better to learn foreign countries by visiting than to read by reading newspapers and magazines about those countries. (비교대상을 명확하게 해주세요.) People from different walks of life might take different stances on this issue. Personally, I agree with the given statement, and would like to present two reasons that could validate my position.
The first point is that more detailed information can be obtained from newspapers and magazines. The reporters are the ones who have spent many much times and efforts on the area. Therefore we will be able to gain better information by reading newspaper and it won’t take too much time. (detail info에 관한 내용이 아닙니다. 생략하는게 좋습니다.) Take my experience as an example. I went to Osaka, Japan last winter. I had so much fun there and learned a lot of information about Japan’s history. Since I became so interested in Japan’s history, after the vacation, I have read many reports about Japan from the newspaper and magazines. I was surprised that there were tremendous amount of things that I could learn from the reports. In this regard, I learned more information from the newspapers and magazines than actually visiting than my actual visit to Osaka.
Another compelling reason is that there are limitations to visiting many countries. It not only coast money but also waste a lot of time. According to the research done by the institution of JYP, 80% of the respondents said that they prefer to learn about foreign countries from newspapers and magazines than to visit those countries. What this means is that it is too much pressure for them to visit every single country, it will cost too much money. This clearly shows that learning from newspaper and magazines and are more beneficial.
l Example이 조금 약한 것 같습니다. Research의 결과에 따르면 많은 사람들이 신문이나 잡지를 통해 배우는게 더 cost-effective 하다고 대답했다고 쓰는 게 더 좋습니다. 가능한 straight forward하게 direct하게 쓰는 것이 더 좋은 에세이 입니다.
All in all, because of the reasons mentioned above, I firmly believe that it is better to learn foreign countries by reading newspapers and magazines. | |
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
전반적으로 문법적 실수가 많은 것은 아니나, proof reading을 해서 사소한 실수를 없애주는 게 좋습니다. 내용의 흐름이 끊기지 않도록 조금 더 focused되게 써 주세요. 예시를 좀 더 topic에 맞게 맞춰는 게 도움이 됩니다. 그리고 conclusion을 조금 강화하는게 좋을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다 J