*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요.
The lecturer discusses how the adverse ramifications of buzz-building are rumors from unverified source sources. This contradicts the reading passage’s claim that the implication of buzz-building has a number of negative effects. 깔끔한 서론 잘 써주셨습니다.
First, the speaker argues that people do not believe everything said by the buzzers. By and large, people who got paid to advertise stay at bars where there are many people. 주어는 있지만 동사가 없는 비문입니다. 수정해주세요. Although people might listen to him, they are not going to trust him as he is just a stranger from a bar. Furthermore, if they are really interested in the products, they can search through internet and request for consumer reviews which can assist them to make their choice. This counters the author’s claim that the majority of people tend to reflect personal testimony and they may further disseminate the news without any further scrutiny. 위의 서론에서 언급해주신 것 같이 Reading passage는 buzzer-building의 부정적인 면을, 반면에 Lecture은 그 부정적인 면을 하나씩 반박하죠. 하지만 작성자님의 본론을 읽어내려가면서, 어느 것이 buzzer-building을 support하고, 또 어느 것이 반대하는지 명확히 파악할 수 없었습니다. 단순히 Reading과 Lecture을 인용해서 전달하는 것만이 아닌, 긍적적/냉적적인 어조나 그것들을 말하는 intention까지도 염두에 두시고 글을 써주셨으면 좋겠네요.
Second, the professor points out that the information distributed by the buzzers are not entirely distrustful. This is because companies tend to hire buzzers from their customers who have used their products before. In addition, he gives an example of his friend how has worked as a buzzer for a computer company. His friend has experienced the product and decided to spread information because he loved the company’s computer. This casts doubt on the reading passage’s claim that buzzers frequently share knowledge without personally experiencing the product and only accentuate on the positive sides.
Finally, the lecture asserts that how buzz-building is known as a buzz-building's reputation as a means of evoking deception and mistrust between people is overly exaggerated and misleading. Generally, people are going to be complacent with the products they buy bought after listening to buzzers who know a lot of the product. Thus this stimulates people to take other people’s advices. Reading과 Lecture가 하나의 소주제로 대립하고 있다는 느낌을 받지 못하는 문단입니다. 전체적으로 문장들간의 논리적 연결고리가 떨어져, "왜 이문장이 나올까?"라는 생각이 많이 들었고, 문장들을 써주신 의도를 파악할 수 없었습니다. This refutes the author’s contention that the practice of buzz-building greatly influences people to distrust other’s advices even if they are from their intimate friends.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited-Fair (14-18)
전반적으로 Reading 과 Lecture간의 대립구조를 팓악할 수 없었던 글입니다. 각 문단들의 첫문장은 key point를 잘 잡아주신 것 같은데, 문든을 내려갈수록 문장들이 다소 장황하게 쓰였을 뿐더러 문장들간의 연결고리가 부족해 큰 틀을 그리기 어려웠습니다. 전반적으로 Reading 과 Lecture에 주어지는 정보들은 잘 캐치해주신 것 같아요. 그러니 이 정보들을 어떻게 전달하느냐만 고쳐주신다면 훨씬 훌륭한 글이 될 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다.^^