These days a lot of students stay home and learn from their parent instead of going to school
or academy. These students believe that parents are the best teacher. But I
strongly disagree with this idea. I agree that parents can teach but I don’t think they are the best they are not the best. (that절
이하와 동의한다는 내용으로 선생님이 될 수 있다는점만 동의하기위해서는 but 이후에 다른 주어가 나와서
새로운 문장을 쓰는게 좋을 것 같아요.) It is not right to use the word “the best”. In my essay I will support the
reason why I disagree with the statement that parents are the best teacher.
Firstly, they are not
professional. Kids have to learn a lot of different kinds of subject. Parents
can be help but I think it is impossible for them to teach all subjects. I am sure that
professional teachers and professors have
more knowledge to teach kids than parents do. Parents
are adults and they know more things than kids do. many things
more than kids. I agree with it. Although they know more, it doesn’t
mean they can teach well. (부모님이 professional한 것이 부족하다는
내용이 이 문단의 주장이기 때문에 밑줄 친 문장들은 관련이 없는내용 같습니다. 토픽에서 벗어나는 내용
또는 주장에서 벗어나는 내용들은 안쓰는 것이 좋아요.) Because they are not professional, they don’t have the ability to teach, they don’t
know how to teach kids. (능력이 없다고 쓰기보다는 정확한 방법을 모른다고 쓰는 게 좋습니다.) I believe that professional
teachers have better abilities to teach kids.
Secondly, kids have to study regularly but parents have their
own job or things to do. They are busy because they have their work to do. Even
though they have great skills or knowledge they don’t have enough time to teach
kids. But professionals such as teachers’, their
job is to teach. They will have more time than parents
to spend and teach kids.
문단의 첫 문장에 부모님은 아이들을 가르치기에 너무 바쁘다는 내용을 쓰는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 그리고 부가설명으로 학생들은 매일 공부해야하는데 부모님은 그 공부를 provide할 수 없다는 등의 내용을 추가하면 좋을 것 같아요.
I know that parents know a lot more than
kids and can be a good teacher but they can’t be
the best. They don’t have great teaching skills and
even though they have they won’t be able to teach
because they have their own job and work to do, they
don’t have enough
time to spend with kids. Because of these
reasons I strongly disagree that the parents are the best teacher.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
전반적인 글의 흐름이나 논리의 전개는 좋습니다. 하지만 토플 에세이를 쓸 때, 자신의 주장과 반대되는 내용을 인정한다는 등의 내용을 많이 쓰는 것은 좋지 않습니다. 이 에세이는 부모님이 최고의 선생님이 아니라는 점을 말하는 것이기 때문에, 단순하게 부모님은 효율적인 teaching skill을 가지고 있지 않고 심지어 바쁘기때문에 best teacher가 되기는 어렵다는 내용만 써 주시면 될 것 같아요. 그리고 문법적인 부분에 유의해주세요. 주어,동사가 있는 완전한 문장 두개가 콤마로 연결될수는 없습니다.
수고하셨습니다.