▶ Your Answer :
Some people argue that it is important to choose friends who can help you when Iyou need them, than to(compared to라는 표현도있어요) choose friends who have fun with me. However, contrary to this idea, I strongly believe that having friends that are fun is more important. The compelling logic behind this is that it can help people to broaden their perspective, succeed in the future and maintain their mental health.
Firstly, spending time with fun friends can widen people’s perspective. This is because, unlike helpful friends, it is most likely that people will embark on different kinds of adventures and end up in unexpected events through having(spending) time with fun friends. Through such experience, they can readily be exposed to different cultures, lifestyles, studies and beliefs that they have never known before. They can also have the opportunity to socialize and interact with people who have different views, perspectives and customs which are quite different from their own. As a consequence, they can make a quantum leap in intellectual growth and their eyes can easily be opened to new aspects of life. For example, when I was in college, I always spent my time with my friend Jin sung. He was the one I could definitely have fun with. One day, he suddenly suggested me going on an impromptu trip to different regions of my country which is Korea. During the trip we climbed nationally-renowned mountains, talked and shared opinions with people from different regions in Korea, and tried some unique dishes. As a result we were able to learn a wide range of unique regional cultures such as food, music and dialects. Had it not been for my fun friend, I would have had a narrow mind and a lack of understanding of other cultures.
Secondly, friends with whom I can enjoy myself can alleviate my stress. This is because, Compared to getting along with helpful friends, having time with fun friends can relax and clear people’s minds. By laughing and spending enjoyable time together, they can escape from their sometimes harsh and mundane everyday life which is full of work and conflicts in relationships. For example, last week, I was very stressed out due to demanding working hours. However, fortunately that night, my friend Zack came over to my house. By listening to his jokes, I burst out laughing, which helped me to feel a sense of freedom from my stress-ridden routines and see my daily toil in a light-hearted manner. Had it not been for Zack, I would have gone through a period of depression and despair.
Lastly, having fun friends can help people along life's way. This is because contrary to friends who can help people, fun friends usually crack jokes a lot and have a great sense of humor. Therefore people can learn or improve a sense of humor through spending time with fun friends. Today’s job markets require job candidates who to have a sense of humor since people who have a sense of humor can maintain a good relationship with other people by building trust in a short amount of time and by easily diffusing conflicts . They can also increase productivity by freeing people’s minds to spark new ideas and creating an upbeat atmosphere that encourages not only interaction among workers, but also brainstorming of ideas. On top of that, humor is viewed as sign of intelligence. According to the Ministry of Labor of Korea in 2012, the job interview was the most important component in hiring practice, taking up more than seventy percent of the final call. The interviewers looked at the applicants’ skills, knowledge and personalities, mostly related to a sense of humor. This is because it is one of the most reliable indicators that shows an applicant’s creativity, communication skills , Ability not only to adapt to a new working environment, but also to relate to other workers.. This implies choosing fun friends and acquiring a sense of humor from them is a secure way for people to prepare for the future.
Overall Score: Fair (20-23) Comment: 에세이의 내용도 좋고 정리도 잘하신것같습니다. 대신에 작은 문법 실수나 더 좋은 표현들이 있을거 같은 단어들도 있는거 같아요. 글을 쓰신 후 한번 쭉 읽어보시면 이 작은 실수들이 없을거같아요! 좋은 에세이 이지만 제가 Fair을 드린 이유는 conclusion이 없기 때문입니다. 시간이 부족하셔서 쓰시지 못하셨다면 ody부분에서 3reasoning 중에 하나를 빼셔도 괜찮을거 같아요!
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