▶ Your Answer : There has been an arguments that university students should be required to attend class or not. Some people insist that attending classes are student's own free will, moreover, nowadays, there are many different ways to attend the classes such as online based classes. But from my perspective, students should attend the classes because by attending the classes, students can learn much more knowledge by useful methods such as debate, question which is impossible in the online classes debate and asking questions which are impossible to do in online classes. Furthermore, attending the classes may use can be used as the standard for the professors to check the student's diligence and willingness of study.
토플 형식이나 영어 표현에 정말 능숙하신 것 같습니다. Introduction paragraph의 구조와 형식 모두 잘 짜여있습니다. 내용도 충실하구요~ 다만 반복되거나 불필요하게 장황한 구절이 몇 개 보입니다, 이런 부분들은 생략하시고 좀 더 짧고 명확하게 써주시면 좋을 것 같네요~
First of all, students who attend the classes can get the various knowledge than those who are not (비교하는 문장의 구조가 잘 잡혀있지 않고, 굳이 그러지 않아도 되니 생략해주세요). During the class, students could can ask certain question questions to their professor or debate with other students. By those Through such activities, students can could can learn more knowledge than those who attend the online classes or note copier ("note copier"에 대해 좀 더 구체적으로 설명해주세요, introduction pararagh에서는 언급하시지 않았으니, 부연 설명이 필요할 것 같네요~). To demonstrate, according to the study conducted by the Korea university, 80 percent of students answered that attend attend the class attendin classes is much more helpful that any other methods. On the other hand, only 20 percent of student stated that attending the classes is meaningless. This study proves that attending classes are much helpful to university students to get more knowledge.
구조나 내용 모두 크게 흠잡을 데가 없네요. 제시해주신 예시도 주장을 뒷받침하기에 적절하였고, 부연 설명 역시 충분히 해주셔서 이해하기 쉽습니다~ 다만, 마지막에 주제와 예시를 엮어주는 논리적 연결을 덧붙이시거나 부연설명을 좀 더 해주신다면 글의 완성도가 훨씬 높아질 것 같네요~
Secondly, attending the classes students' attendence can be are used as the key elements for the professors to evaluate the students students' diligence and willingness in class of study. Almost every university has adopted adopt the policy that when professor evaluate the students' grade, the number of attendance are is calculated as a element of grade. This shows that many professor professors consider attendance is the standard of student's diligence and willingness (너무 똑같이 반복되는 단어보다는 다양한 어휘를 사용하시면 더욱 좋을 것 같아요~) of study. For example, my mother who served 20 years as a teacher always mentioned that student who attend the class diligently usually get the better results in tests and school life in general. from there tests and also their school life. This show shows that attending classes is not an option, it's but an essential duty of university students.
아이디어, 예시 모두 적절합니다~ 조금 더 디테일한 부연 설명을 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같다는 생각이 드네요. 학점은 단순히 시험 점수 뿐만이 아니라 학생들의 태도도 포함한다는 문장을 덧붙여주시면 좋을 것 같아요~ 문법 상으로도 큰 문제는 없지만 반복되는 표현과 관용구에 주의해주세요~
To sum up, university students should attend the classes because it allows them to learn a variety of nowledge and skills students who attend the classes can get the various knowledge. Furthermore, the number of attendance may use can be used as the standard for the professors to grade student students. Hence, university students should attend classes and it will be helpful for student's students themselves.
Conclusion의 구조, 내용 모두 좋습니다. Conclusion paragraph의 주목적은 전체적인 글의 요약, thesis statement의 재강조인데요, 가장 중요한 것은 같은 내용이라도 어떻게 다른 말로 표현할 수 있는지 입니다, 참고해주세요~
좋은 글은:
Addressing topic, Task
Organization, Development, Explanations, Exemplifications
Unity, Profession, Coference
Consistency in language, Syntactic Variety, Vocabulary, Grammatical Accuracy
들을 다 갖춰야해요
전반적으로 주제를 잘 파악하시고, 내용, 예시, 어휘력 모두 풍부하십니다. 반복되는 문장이나 문법/어휘 실수만 신경 써주신다면 더 좋은 글이 나올 것 같네요~ 구체적으로는 동사 시제, 단수/복수 구분, 관용구 표현 등이 있습니다. 정말 수고 많으셨습니다, 이상 갤러거였습니다 :)
Raw Score:
4.5/5 -> 27/30
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