In this quickly changing world, people are less happy than they were in the past.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Daily life lives has definitely changed in our society. It got faster, more direct and less personal. With the development of technology, transportation and the overall system, it is more convienient to live in this world. While some might think this is the best time of our lives, I believe that the level of happiness of people was higher before than now. The reasoning behind this is that the people were more intimate with each other and they had have less pollution to worry about.
To start with, in the past, people were more intimate with each other because they have more chance to talk to each other. As it is more convienient for us to communicate by telephones or SMS, we don't take our time to actually talk to other people. We usually consider a waste of time since there are a lot of other methods method to communicate without actually having to see each other. So, people get the feeling that they care less about others. It might work well with some one but once a while, they all get lonely but don't know what to do. More importantly, it is harder to discuss important or sensitive subjects in front of people because people don't have intimate friends they can trust. In a way, it is a drawback of development of the internet and technology. People are willing to discuss frivillous, light subjects but they try to avoid heavy sensitive subject. 논제가 묻는 내용을 다시 점검해주세요. 단순히 과거와 오늘날을 비교하는 문제가 아니라 오늘날의 세상이 <빠르게 변하는 세태>가 사람들의 행복에 미치는 영향을 묻는 내용입니다. 따라서 과거의 사람들이 서로 상호작용이 활발해서 더 행복했다는 idea역시 과거에는 세상의 변화가 지금만큼 빠르지 않았기 때문에 사람들의 상호작용이 활발했고 그래서 더 행복했다는 흐름으로 전개해주어야 논제에 대한 답변이 가능합니다. 기본적인 idea틀은 두고 밑줄 친 내용들만 수정해서 논제에 맞게 다듬어볼 수도 있을 것 같아요. 설명 내용만으로 body를 구성하기보다는 사례 내용을 포함한 body로 구성하는 편이 점수에도 더 도움이 되니 참고하시고요^^
On top of that, people in the past had less things to worry environmentally. As there has been a lot of development, people were have been forced to get to materials from the nature and it is deteriorating the nature. In the late 20th century, people didn't cared about the effect on the nature nor the consequences from those actions. Nowadays, we struggle to reinstate the that nature that we have destroyed years age. For example, before, in the old days, the vehicle companies focused their they goal simply on their convienience and speed. What they didn't take into consideration is that cars could distroy air and use up all the fuels in the world. It will be the people in the future to worry about the environment. Nowadays, we struggle to fix the problem of air pollution that is really severe in the cities. Likewise, people worry more today than before about the envrionment. 마찬가지로 과거와 오늘날의 특정 상황을 단순히 비교할 뿐 '빠르게 변하는 세상'과는 관련이 없는 설명내용입니다. 논제 내용에 맞는 idea와 설명으로 재구성해주세요. 요즘 사람들은 환경문제에 대한 걱정이 많아서 아무런 걱정 없이 자원을 활용하던 과거 사람들이 더 행복할 것이라는 흐름 자체만 보기에는 문제가 없지만 논제와 함께 연결지어 생각했을 때 논제에 대한 답변이 될 수 없기 때문에 여러 항목에서 감점요인이 될 수 있습니다.
In conclusion, I frimly believe that people in the past had has less things to worry about and or they were happier. more happy. The rationale behind this is that people were more close each other before and they didn't have to worry about the environment since the problem wasn't that severe.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited - Fair (16–20)
빠르게 변하는 세상과 관련해 문제를 풀어나갈 수 있어야 합니다. 대부분 과거와 현재를 단순히 비교하는 방식으로 문제를 푸는 경우가 많은데, 모든 것이 빠르게 변화하는 오늘날과 과거의 좀 더 느리게 변화가 이루어졌던 세상을 비교하는 형태로 연결되지 않으면 논점이 어긋날 가능성이 커집니다. 논제를 정확하게 파악하고 그에 맞는 [답변]을 논리적으로 풀어내는 것이 가장 중요합니다. 논제가 묻는 내용을 다시 점검해보시고 적절하게 다듬어주세요. 코멘트와 함께 검토해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!