It is clear that, nowadays, preparing for food has become easier and faster than ever. However, it there remains mixed questions whether the easier process of cooking has improved our lives. In my view, it has brought two different effects: making our lives more convenient and but threatening our health. In this essay, I am going to present how it changed our lives positively and how it affected our health negatively.
On the one hand (First를 쓰는 게 좋을 것 같아요), without doubt, it has been easier to prepare for our meal. This is because most of works working in the kitchen is done by convenient appliances; for example, previously, people had to boil rice on the stove before eating it. This process took much effort and time. However, nowaday a rice-cooker, which automatically cooks raw rice for itself in a moment, replaced our hand working. Moreover, there are plenty of alternatives for cooked food such as frozen vegetables, which are already washed and ready to be for being consummed. This easier steps certainly improved the way we live by allowing us to have more leisure time with reduced the amount of time we supposed to spend preparing for dinner.
On the other hand, the improvement of preparing for food at a quick and easy style has ,at the same time, led us to a serious danger of health problem. to our our health. Above all things, it caused serious obesity. Nowadays, more people are getting overweight. This is not because people do not exercise with saved time from cooking in the kitchen, but because most of the foods that are is cooked with easier processes generally contain high calories and fat additives. Foods that are easy to cook and eat are is increasingly deteriorating our health.
In summary, food has become easier to prepare but it has resulted in both effects: positively in the way we live and negatively in our health.Now we should be carefully aware of the benefits and drawbacks.
전체적인 문법을 보면 크게 고쳐야 할 부분이 있는 건 아닌 것 같아요. 하지만 제 생각에는 TOEFL 에세이를 쓸 때에는 한가지 의견을 정확하게 골라주시는 것이 더 좋은 것 같아요. 지금은 긍정적인 영향과 부정적인 영향을 둘 다 썼는데 긍정적 또는 부정적 영향으로 한가지를 골라서 에세이를 작성하는 게 더 좋을 것 같아요. 그래야 자신의 의견을 좀 더 확실하게 표명할 수 있고 에세이가 전체적으로 clear 해 집니다.