▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether parents should set strict rules for their
children if they want them to succeed in life. This is an intriguing question
because opinions can be different depending on the individual perspectives. In
my opinion, however, I disagree with this idea because I think that strict
rules are not necessary for children to obtain success. for the following two subsequent reasons.
Firstly, in contemporary society, companies
prefer ingenious person. If parents let their children to think something
freely without any strict rules, they can imagine in full sweep and be more
creative person. Followed by the survey results studied by the Seoul National
University, it shows that the most effective way when parents educate their
children is not to restrict their children by strict rules. To be more
specific, if so, children are not able to think in a variety of range in some
restricted situations. For this reason, parents should let them free from the
strict rules if they want their children to be excellent and intelligent
people.
Second of all, there are some fundamental basic
rules that we need to follow. However, if parents explain specific reasons that
why the children should follow the this, the strict rules are unnecessary. For
instance, when I was little, my family used to take subway whenever we go to
the grocery stores. Without exception, I made a lot of noise with my brother,
and my mother said that we need to be quite because it was public area. She
explained nicely that we should not disturb other people in the public areas
but running around the subway and speaking loudly are disturbing gestures. We
could totally understand and stopped and stop (could뒤에서는 동사 원형이 나와야합니다) making noise. After this situation, I
stick to every rule to not disturb other people.
In
conclusion, I firmly believe that children do not need strict rules to succeed.
All things considered, it is my belief and my argument has been effectively and
precisely delivered with two reasons mentioned above.
점수: 13 잘 서술한 독립형 에세이입니다. 지금 이 에세이에서 가장 만족하는 부분은 전체적으로 설명 자체가 원활하고 명확하게 잘 이어져나가고 있습니다. 매끄러운 설명들을 통하여서 각 단락에서 주제에 대해서 본인이 왜 이러한 이유가 나오게 되었는 지를 잘 파악할 수 있었습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셧습니다.
항상 첨삭 빠르고, 또 정확하게 해주셔서 너무너무 감사드립니다!!! 다름이아니고, 혹시 30만점이 아닌, 15점 만점으로 점수 환산해주시면 안될까요?... 이번주 시험이어서요ㅠㅠ 냉철한 점수 부탁드립니다.!! |