▶ Your Answer: Some people might think that cars have more influences on society than airplanes. However, I believe that the impacts of aircraft far surpass those of cars. There are two major reasons why I think so: increased international interactions and fighting power of nations. Firstly, airplanes allow people to more easily interact with others in broader distance than cars. For example, people who want to study abroad can go to other countries by airplane, which gives rise to develop international studies. Moreover, the shortened travel time for international meetings, thanks to airplanes, facilitates economic and political interactions so that cooperation among nations gets increased. If there were no airplane, these kinds of global face-to-face interactions among people would be burdensome. Thus, planes have more impacts on society than cars. Second, airplanes enable nations to fight with other countries in further distance than cars, which accelerates the risks of global wars. Specifically, there are many kinds of combat planes that have more developed fighting power. What’s worse, if terrorist uses airplanes in their purpose, the negative influences on societies will be broader and more significant, such as the case of September 11th terror in Newyork. Therefore, airplanes have a more negative impact on society than cars. In summary, I believe the influence of airplanes on society far outweigh that of cars in terms of both its positive and negative impacts.
에세이 아주 잘 쓰신 것 같습니다. 주장이 아주 clear하고, 이에 대한 supporting detail도 똑똑하니 적혀 있습니다. 하지만 내용 자체가 조금 짧은 것 같아 아쉽습니다. 몇문장씩만 더 적어주시면 whole essay 내용이 더 좋아질 것 같습니다. 어휘도 어느 어휘를 어디 써야 잘 어울릴지 앚 잘 알고 작성한 듯 해서 읽기에 매우 좋았습니다. 다만, 조금 더 다양하고 elaborate하게 쓸 수 있으면 더 좋을 것 같으니 주의해주세요 |