■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :
Some people think that the Internet provides a lot of great and important information even though too much information creates problems.
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▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, the Internet plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the place where they work or play. Some people think that the Internet offers a lot of good and significant information although too much information makes matters, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that Internet provides us great and important information. There are several reasons as follows. To begin with, (콤마 꼭 꼭 써주세요) too much information allows them (who are them???) to improve their searching ability of finding what is needed information for them. It requires them to be diligent and passionate. When these personal traits are developed, they are likely to bring a better result. For example, James, one of my friend, used to be lazy and did poorly in his high school. However, he had changed little by little after he began to distinct true news from fake news. divide fake news and true news. He realized that differentiating of information helps him work more efficiently. Naturally, he became started to work faster and more accurately. All things considered, even though internet provides too much information, the advantage of them far outweigh disadvantage of them. All in all, information of the Internet cannot be overestimated in society. 우선 왜 main paragraph를 하나밖에 안 적으셨나요?? 하나밖에 없는데다가 내용이 너무 부족하다는 기분이 너무 세게 듭니다. (주장은 괜찮으나, 이에 대한 supporting detail이나 설명이 너무 부족한 편입니다) 또 문법 오류가 굉장히 많은 편인데 제가 생각하기에는 문장 쓰기 연습/paragraph쓰기 연습 이 더 필요해보이니 집중해서 공부해주세요 |
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감사합니다 :)