▶ Your Answer :
There might be
some people who believe that television(왜 대문자로 쓰신건가요...?) should be utilized to instruct people
rather than entertaining them. However, I personally disagree with them for two
subsequent reasons. First, television helps people to relieve their stress.
Second, there are already several jobs related to the entertaining aspects of
television.
To begin with,
television is helpful for alleviating people’s stress. In today’s society,
people are much busier than the past, so they have less time to meet other people.
Thus, most people are usually alone in their free time. For that reason, television
is a perfect alternative for them to enjoy. For instance, according to a study
conducted by Yonsei University, about 78% of workers watch television on their holiday.
The subjects stated that watching television was often more convenient than
making an appointment with busy others. That is, television is great means for
busy workers to get rid of their stress.
On top of that, several
jobs related to the entertaining aspects of television are already in existence
and keep growing. Due to the development of technology, many jobs have appeared
and entertaining jobs are also included in them. Additionally, auditions or university’s
department which are related to these jobs have grown as well. This implies
that there are many people who hope to get these jobs. Let me bring up my personal
story as an example. A few months ago, I met a comedian, who was famous for the
entertainer on television, to have an interview. He said that he was so proud
to amuse people through television program and wanted the entertainment industries
of television to develop more. Reflecting on this case, I think the
entertaining aspects of television shouldn’t be neglected because there are some
workers who get pleasure through TV entertainment.
In conclusion, I
think television can relieve stress and many jobs related to entertaining on TV
are growing. In this regard, I firmly believe that television ought to be used
to entertain people.
에세이 잘 쓰셨습니다. 문법 오류도 거의 없는 편인데다가, 문장뜻이 상대방에게 잘 전달될 수 있도록 작성 잘 해주신 것 같아 읽으면서 가독성 정말 좋았습니다. 또, 어휘 사용은 오류가 없는 편이긴 한데 그래도 조금 더 다양한 variety에서 쓸 수 있으면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 이거 빼고는 주장도 아주 깔끔하고 좋은 에세이입니다. 마지막 conclusion에서 설명한 것도 정말 좋았습니다
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