▶ Your Answer :
Some people agree
with the statement that universities should spend as much money on sports as they
do on libraries. However, in my opinion, universities have to spend only on
their libraries. There are two reasons that universities are where students
have to study and students can do exercise elsewhere.
To begin with, the reason of building universities is to study. Libraries are essential for providing good education.
If supporting for libraries only does not aim towards here, students are not
afforded better conditions.(무슨 뜻으로 쓰신건지 이해가 잘 안갑니다) There is a study that conducted in the Korea
university about achievement on student’s grades with expending of each institute
such as library, gym, class, and so on. The result was very impressive. Highest
achievement of expending was library. Because financial supporting is increased,
naturally diverse fields books are provided to students and they also can read and can study based
on them. As a result, students can gain great grades by these supports.
Second, students can pursue athletics
elsewhere. Most cities already have had plenty of sports facilities. In my case,
when I was a high school student, I wanted to exercise. However, my mother's school (왜 갑자기 엄마 학교가 나오는지 설명이 전혀 안되어 있는 상황에서 이렇게 쓰시면 흐름이 다 망가집니다. 주의해주세요) did not have good quality sports equipment, but only had basketball, soccer fields.
Hence, I could do a few activities in limited conditions inevitably. Although
there were some athletic place, I could play a variety of sports tools public facilities
nearby my home. In there, I was able to exercise whenever I wanted. Therefore, I
could do many activities in public places, not just school.(무슨 public place요? 설명이 없습니다)
To sum up, students can do their sports
activities at the public areas and the universities should spend on their
library since this place is built to study for obtaining great scores. In this
regard, I firmly believe that universities have to spend only on their libraries.
문장의 뜻이 톻하지 않는 구나 paragraph가 조금 있습니다. 이거에 대해서는 proof reading으로 될 게 아니라 문장이 어떻게 연결되고 이어지는지에 대해 공부를 조금 더 하셔야 할 것 같습니다. 이건 bbc나 formal 한 에세이 많이 읽다보니까 감이 생기기도 하니, 이에 대해서는 조금 더 주의해서 공부가 필요할 것 같습니다. 또, 문장을 쓸 때 이에 대한 설명을 내가 했는지 다시 보는 거 아주 중요합니다
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